dear reader,

there’s a feeling in my gut that is brewing, an anxiety I know too well that rises whenever I feel too seen and too perceived.

at this moment, it’s the result of having posted twice on youtube today. and i’m sure once I hit send on this email, the feeling will only increase.

what’s more, i plan on posting every day for the next 25 days as I open each ink from diamine’s inkvent. (i do not celebrate Christmas but I love fountain pen ink and the ritual of revealing them one by one is something I enjoy).

typing that out, reminding myself of that intention, does little to reduce the sensation.

i will be online a lot this month. there are other videos to be posted, there are patreon posts to publish, and the occasional writing to share. it will be an exercise in feeling uncomfortable all month long, and i wish for the discomfort to be a growing pain and not a negative experience… so what do I do?

i’ll have to sit down and make some rules for myself for this season- establish a means to anchor myself when the feelings arise. see, I’ve gotten into the habit of obsessively checking statistics, and it’s a compulsion that just further aggravates the vomit-inducing butterflies in my stomach. i’ll have to set an internal boundary. a journaling session is due today. hold me to it?

do you have any habits/rituals/anchors to ground yourself when anxiety strikes? do you struggle with feeling too seen and exposed?

may we allow ourselves to take up the space we are entitled. may we remember there are gifts only we are able to share.

wish with me,

ella nym

_{p.s if you’ve been a a member of my patreon (free or paid), you’ve been added to this email list. feel free to unsubscribe if you do not wish to receive these type of writing experiments.}