dear reader,

this is the first of what i hope will become a series of… dialogue snippets? the characters are ella and syd. but they could be you and anyone else. they could be two beings from outer space. they could be two microscopic creatures. they could be a pair of your loved ones. they could be a pair of strangers you pass by at a cafe. they could be ghosts. they could be trees. all they need to be, they are.

but who is ella and who is syd? you get to decide that too. the idea is that the voices of each one will become clearer with each conversation you overhear. your perception shapes the reality.

i wrote this on July 2nd and found it today. i have only shared it with one other person. if you are moved to share feedback, please be kind. this writing, unlike most others i’ve shared, feels vulnerable. i hope it reaches you.

the conversation you overheard, was as follows:

what do you think about impermanence?

impermanence?

yeah.

in what context?

in any context, every context. i started reading a book yesterday that made all these feelings rise to the surface. but it’s also not the first time. i think that it’s a concept i think about a lot.

hmm.

yeah, like i also read this book on wabi sabi a few months back and this idea of the universe constantly evolving and devolving came up. but theres something i cant quite put my finger on.

about what?

about the feeling i get when i think about it for too long.

i don’t really like thinking about it. or i guess its more that i dont really think about it enough.

id like to say i think about it more as i get older but that would be a lie. it's always been something in the back of my mind, I think.

yeah, i believe you haha

whatever... i am who i am.

you are who you are until you are no more, right?

don't be cheeky.

im not, i’m keeping it in theme.

yeah yeah. i don’t know... this new book i’m reading might help me verbalize it. i just think there’s something special about it, albeit heartbreaking.

yeah, a very you thing to say.

i am forever on brand, if nothing else. but you also didn’t answer my question.

about impermanence?

mhm

hmm... i think it’s natural. i think we continue to fight the idea that everything will end while knowing the fight is fruitless. but we're a stubborn species. and the fight brings with it advancement, so it’s not in vain.

yeah, I guess that’s true. but would we be able to admire the beauty in anything if we didn’t already know that it was transient?

there’s love and there’s longing. those are two different sentiments, although they're both matters of the heart.

yeah... there is something magical in the sadness i feel when i think that today will be today only once in all eternity.

wouldnt that make time linear? i thought we agreed it wasn’t?

oh, that opinion still stands, but even if you could come back to this day over and over again... i dont know. i think each time would be a singularity in and of itself.

maybe, yeah. i dont think i follow that line of thought but i can see how you would see that.

its the poet in me.

you are who you are

until im not.

xx

ella nym