The Art of Not Compromising
This is something I've been mulling over for the past few weeks, and it'll likely be the subject of my Independent column this coming Thursday. In fact, this is a test draft of that column.
I recently served on a committee whose purpose was to determine the direction of an international writing organization. Everyone on the small committee, somewhat obviously, had definite ideas about that direction.
I resigned the day after after our first meeting.
I feel bad about that because the things I wanted, and the chief reasons I thought it was important for me to be there, were worth fighting for - mainly, diversity and attention to marginalized voices. And I don't think anyone on the committee was necessarily against those things. But I felt like I'd have to fight to explain why they were such significant issues, to explain why those should be the primary factors for choosing candidates...and I just didn't have the energy.
This has been a recurring issue through my life, and one I haven't always handled well. It's fallen on me to explain the importance of diversity or, more depressingly, why a certain action or comment is racist or sexist. Not all the time, and I'm certainly not an expert in these matters - it's just that, on occasion through my life (particularly when I was younger), I've simply associated with people more clueless than me.
And it's tiring, and frustrating, and not something, honestly, I do well. I'm not a strong debater (although, side point, I constantly out-debate my friend Angie Kim). But I usually need time to think, and mull things over, and decide how I truly feel, and then try and understand how someone else feels, and why they feel that way...and you can already see why I suck at arguing. I'm a writer, and my strength comes over time, the same way the best writing develops over time.
But I digress. This frustration of explanation is something that everyone in a marginalized capacity - generally people-of-color or women or LGBTQ individuals - can understand. Explanation is a compromise. "Your racist joke offended me, and here's why..." The act of explaining why an action is racist, and then having that individual agree not to make those kind of jokes, is compromise. And, as the minority in that situation, you're being consoled. You're being given a gift. The wrongdoer will try and behave a little better because of your feelings. It's damnably demeaning to be in that position. Nobody wants wounds.
It's the marginalized, you see, who make the compromise. The other side gives us their word, and we give them our vulnerability. We open. And it's a painful act of exposure, much more painful for us than it is for them.
Chances are, many of you reading this know what I'm talking about - both in regards to the feeling I'm describing, and the organization I'm talking about. And there's no point in keeping secrets, which is something I promised I'd never do in this newsletter. I was asked to serve on the nomination committee for ITW, to help determine the new board members. I was excited about the opportunity, and it meant a lot to me - I resigned from the board over disagreement from their handling of an issue, the same issue that abruptly led the rest of the members, several weeks later, to forcibly resign. Being asked back to work with them made me feel like my resignation - as private as I kept the reasons - wasn't in vain.
I still don't think it was in vain, and I have hopes that the new board (while maybe not as full-throated as I would have liked) will be in support of these issues, and progressive in their social stances. I have faith in ITW's interim director, K.J. Howe, a smart leader who, when I was on the board, was always looking for ways to boost representation. I hope that the end result is that marginalized voices will be welcome where they may not have felt welcome before. It's a fight I probably should have continued, and one I already regret leaving. But you have to pick your fights and, while this was the right one for me, it just wasn't the right time.
But I do have hope, and there are others willing to fight. And I will join them and stand with them and write for them, as I always do. I needed to stop and take a breath. And get back up. Because this fight is just starting, and it'll continue long after those of us in the ring have thrown our last punch.
D.C. Virtual Noir at the Bar
Check out this lineup! D.C. Noir at the Bar is BACK this Sunday night, at 8 PM, featuring nine awesome writers! And Sara Jones will be singing and Chantal Tseng will be slinging drinks! It's going to be a LOT of fun, and four gift cards will be given to random attendees. Readings, music, drinks, and prizes! Don't say I never do anything for you. You can register for it HERE.
Given that all 2020 book events are virtual, I've been planning a series of virtual panels around the November 10 launch of They're Gone. More on that to come soon, but it's a heckuva lineup and I'm excited to share it with you. I'll announce the panels and events in next month's newsletter. But, for now, it'd be lovely if you checked out and pre-ordered many, many copies of They're Gone here, here, or here. Thank you and I love you for more than your body.
Simply put, Jen Conley is one of the most powerful writers working today. I've been a fan since I first read her short fiction (check out Cannibals for the entire collection). You can tell she's a writer with purpose and vision and voice, and the talent to take her far. It's been fun, for the past few years, to be her friend and watch her career grow. And I look forward to seeing her career continue.
And a writer Jen recommends? Nigel Bird:
I love novels that take place in the winter--darkness comes early and the cold gets into bones. Writer Nigel Bird did something interesting with a winter novel, he set it in the Christmas season with all the insanity and chaos before the holiday. Let It Snow starts with the murder of a police officer, the suicidal teen killer on the loose, and the snow that is impeding the investigation of the detectives. Mostly I loved this because Nigel Bird gives us several characters, shows us their lives and backstories, and at the same time keeps us on a fast-paced narrative that makes it difficult to put down.
To learn more about these writers and their work, click on the images above.
It's contest time! The monthly contest winner wins copies of the books listed in my "Two Writers You Should Read" segment. So, for this month, the winners of Seven Ways to Get Rid of Harry and Let it Snow is:
k___lotte@gmail.com
Congrats! Check your e-mail for a separate note from me, and happy reading!
This past month of writing was all about virtual events. I wrote a column for Books Forward (my awesome publicity team) full of tips for hosting virtual events, and then celebrated crime fiction journalist and reviewer Oline Cogdill interviewed me (and my bud Alex Segura, who has a new Star Wars novel out now!) about these events, particularly in regards to Noir at the Bar.
Until next time, much love to all of you. Happy Reading!