When I see an attractive woman I feel…
Since joining John Cooper’s Social Heartiste Academy, I’ve been making a habit of getting clear about the emotions I feel around beautiful women. So I thought I’d share this little exercise.
When I see an attractive woman, I feel…
Passion. Because she’s beautiful. She’s a delight to look at. I wonder what it would be like to talk to her. To be intimate with her.
Fear. That she’ll make fun of me. That other people (her friends, strangers) will make fun of me. That I’ll be “exposed” for having a sexual interest in her. That she’ll call me out for being a “creep.”
Shame. That I’m not good enough. Funny enough. Attractive enough. Charismatic enough. Confident enough. Popular enough. Simply that I’m not “enough.”
Pain. Loneliness. A feeling of isolation and being cut off and disconnected. Like she lives in a bright, fun world that I’m cut off from by some invisible but insurmountable chasm. One that I can never cross because I’m… (see Shame above).
Guilt. That by looking at her I’m objectifying her. And that I’m being unfaithful to my girlfriend. That I am somehow “cheating” or being disloyal by noticing another beautiful woman. That by noticing another woman I am doing wrong by her and hurting her.
Anger. Because why should I have to limit, restrain and discipline myself in order to take care of her feelings? Because they (the women I’m attracted to) should just like me for who I am. Because why should it be so hard for me, when other guys don’t seem to struggle with being confident or expressing themselves? Because I’m being a little bitch and I should just “man up” and talk to her. And angry because I know this is “immature” but damn it why should I have to let go of what I want?