Letter to my inner child about “approaching”
Ever since I got into PUA years ago, I’ve felt an immense pressure to always “approach” any attractive girl I see.
Due to my own fear I hardly ever actually did this. But the pressure was there. And not taking action quickly led to guilt, and then to shame.
Over the past year it’s also caused a lot of tension between me and my girlfriend. It’s makes it really hard to be totally present with her when there’s this old voice in my head constantly whispering “Approach!”
So I wrote a little letter to myself. And it’s been doing wonders at reshaping my inner voice.
The little clench of fear and uncertainty I get upon seeing a beautiful woman is steadily melting away.
TRIGGER: You gotta talk to her
FEELINGS: Fear, guilt, anger, shame, and pain
EGO STATE: Adapted Teen
CORE ISSUE: Perfection, Perfect
I know you think “You gotta talk to her.” And this makes you feel fear, guilt, anger, shame, and pain.
It makes sense that you think and feel this way. You learned this from RSD Max. He always said that if you see an attractive girl, you gotta talk to her — even if you’re scared. And now you feel like that’s what you have to do if you want to be a cool, confident, successful guy.
But the truth is, when you see an attractive girl, you don’t actually have to do anything. Taking action doesn’t make you more of a man. Your value as a person doesn’t depend on you DOING anything at all. You’re a great guy whether you talk to the girls you’re attracted to or not.
So from now on, I will be in charge of how we respond when we see an attractive girl. I will take care of that from here on out, and you don’t have to manage it for us anymore.