Vintage Golden Girls Recap
Season 2, Episode 10, "Love, Rose"; As Reviewed By The Designer of Dorothy's Monstrous Teal Crushed-Velvet Tuxedo Dress
Some people live on this earth, contributing nothing, taking up resources, just existing. I am lucky that I have made my contribution to the world, and will die knowing my legacy. It is this:
Ah, yes. When we have a tall, lean statuesque woman, it is best to dress her in swaths of crushed velvet with burnout shapes, a sack-like shirt, long skirt and a bow-fucking-tie. Let's get a better look, shall we?
Listen...we're sorry to embarrass you buy looking like a bunch of clowns while you look simply elegant.
Just the BEGINNING?
Yes, and I'm her clown butler.
Answer to the question: "Dorothy, how about you stay in the car the whole night?"
I really do think this outfit says "I have the chutzpah of a man, but the tenderness of a strong woman!" Dorothy and Blanche wear these outfits to a mysterious "banquet", where they have catfished Rose. Take that, Nev and your homoerotic co-producer! Golden Girls did it first, and I was there to dress them as they should be.
Rose was tired of being alone (despite boning guys to their death) and put an ad in the paper. Blanche and Dorothy pretended to be a guy named Isaac Newton, but Rose called him in the phonebook and asked him to the banquet. It takes them a while to figure it out because...how else would hi jinks ensure?
But I must interrupt to tell you that I designed another outfit for this episode! It's Dorothy's date look! I call it, "Greek Senator meets Purple Pudding."
Rose feels like a total asshole, as usual. I tried to design her a tee shirt for the episode that said: "I Pay a Third of the Rent In This House And All I Got Was Emotional Abuse And Harassment And This Tee Shirt"
Rose finds out, locks herself in the bathroom like anyone would do in the situation, but forgives her friends because they only did it to care about her feelings. And the cycle of abuse continues! I wonder if I could design her an outfit with bruises depicted as daisies.
I didn't know if you knew this, but Blanche is quite promiscuous. How do I know? They never shut up about it.
The extra in the background is really bringing the sass.
And what about those charming dates of theirs? Sitting on the sidelines like middle-schoolers.
