Season 1, Episode 23, "Blind Ambition"; Our First Very Special Episode
What is the point of a Very Special Episode? Did sitcoms feel an obligation to teach us something? Was it simply a ratings grab? These days, every episode is a very special episode, because it doesn’t include molestation, assault, interpersonal violence or dismembered bodies it probably won’t last the season.
Were they trying to imbibe morality into the American psyche? Didn’t we all learn from Punky Brewster not to hide in refrigerators? Did we learn not to keep vanilla extract around an alcoholic from Family Ties? Not to take caffeine pills when you get a recording contract?
Who knows. This is the Very Special Episode when Rose’s blind sister Lily visits and almost burns the house down. What’s the lesson? Don’t let blind people cook? Uh, I tend to agree, especially when it’s a place where they've never cooked before.
In an opening where a screenwriter would be proud, we open at a dinner on the lanai and Lily already there with them, and volunteers to pour the lemonade, because she is still capable, despite being blind! Don’t pity her! Except, foreshadowing. Dorothy takes the time to slut shame Blanche and they all laugh. Just a typical night at Casa de girls de gold.
The gals also decide to have a yard sale for the sole purpose of setting up a scene where there is shit strewn all over the floor and sister has to make her way to the kitchen feeling in front of her while the gals veraciously clear things out of her way. Lily claims she is independent while also asking Rose for a lot of help, so which is it? Independent or not? The gals tell Rose that she needs to let sister be more independent so she can learn for herself. Jesus Christ, it seems Lili recently has had to deal with this, and is a guest in their home, so can Rose get off her St. Olaf ass and get a woman a drink of water?
Lily decides to cook some sort of fatty beef on the stove by herself, which….so many questions. Why would she be cooking this alone? Did the gals leave her alone for the day? Um, rude. Also, as a blind person, SURE, she is able to cook for herself, but that’s in her own home where she is comfortable with where everything is, but on a new stove with an open flame? To the surprise of no one, she starts a fire and luckily the gals are all there after a scream away. SO WHY DIDN’T THEY COOK THEIR GUEST A MEAL?
Rose placates sister, and Blanche speaks the truth- this gal almost burned her house down, and sister goes off to have a tantrum in her room, babbling about some dress which is the only one she can remember, and totally trying to get enough monologue time to qualify for the guest star emmy nom. She begs Rose to come back and live with her…which is not an outrageous request.
Will Rose go with her or won’t she? The suspense is tedious, at best. Rose decides not to because she likes livin’ it up with her gal pals in Miami too much. Cut to some time later, and Rose is off to visit Lily in Chicago, and we get introduced to the shittiest airport gate set ever. That, or this was at a time when anyone and their mother (literally) could walk up to the gate. Lily is suddenly self-competent, AND sassy, with the help of a service animal, Becky. No disrespect to service animals, but why did they bother giving her a name, and why did no one suggest that for Lily to begin with. Lily is able to show Rose where to go, quipping “just wait til you see me drive home! because HAHAHA a blind person driving!
This episode did not have enough ‘Blanche likes cock” jokes or Sophia “I have flatulence” mentions. That’s right, I’d take fart jokes over this insincere drivel.
Edited to add: Just realized that the actress who played Lily (Polly Holliday) also played Flo, the ultimate sassy waitress. Glad she got on to better things.