I'm an Anti-Careerist
An Onion article appeared in 2013 that I still think about constantly: Find the thing you're most passionate about and do it on nights and weekends.
At the time of 2013, I was in a stressful job that was supposedly a coveted job, but it made me miserable because well...not even to get into that. I escaped into a Ph.D. program a few years after that, and now that I see the end of that, I'm being forced to go back into the professional world. I'm not excited. Looking at job postings makes me ill. I'm not going to apply to any jobs that are super competitive and ask for statements and writing samples and letters of rec. The thought of working in an office makes me nauseous.
I've lost my ambition. Or so I thought. This was hard for me, a hard worker for all my life, someone who follows the rules and is, in fact, a people pleaser. Most of all, I strived to please teachers and supervisors. I don't want to work more than I have been asked, I don't want to go above and beyond anything. I don't want to come home from work and I am so exhausted and depressed that when I come home from work, I sit and watch television and don't do anything for myself. Where I can't sleep thinking about meetings and conflicts I have at work.
The "dream job" is a myth. I want a job that I can tolerate for 8 hours a day. Toleration is ideal. The next ideal is something that feels productive. But that's it. I don't want the hustle. I did the hustle, where I cared too much and worked too hard all in service of moving up in the organization. The thing about that, however, is that it never stops. Once you get to the next stop, you are already known for the "tireless work ethic" and ability to say yes to everything. You can't just stop that.
I know I need to work. I'm not entitled; I am willing to work but I just don't want to pursue a career. I'm in my forties, I don't want to start at the bottom of a ladder that takes years to climb. I want enough of an income to support myself and not worry (too much).
I've been reading a lot about anti-Careerism, I think I have found what I am feeling. I'm not unmotivated, just more protective of my bodily and mental existence. Being within academia has confirmed this: I see everyone miserable yet still striving for tenure or some sort of respect that never comes. Why work so hard just to be miserable?
My mini-manifesto includes:
I will not do any labor that financially benefits someone/an organization that does not pay me. If I volunteer, it will be because I care about it, not because it gives the promise of any benefit.
I will not pursue a job simply for the job title. The idea of having a job is never the same as actually having it.
When someone asks me what I do, I will not automaticall say my job. I will say whatever I am involved within the moment. paid or unpaid.
I will not be pressured into monetizing hobbies. The fastest way to hate something is to get paid for it.
This has been festering for a while, but I've done some reading, and below is the information that has helped, if you are interested.
Books
Can't Even by Anne Helen Peterson (specifically Chapter Four about Hope Labor)
Work Won't Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone by Sarah Jaffe
An Ordinary Age: Finding Your Way in a World That Expects Exceptional by Rainesford Stauffer
Do What You Love and Other Lies About Success and Happiness by Miya Tokumitsu
Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford (specifically Chapter Six: The Contradictions of the Cubicle)
Articles/essays
Why Are Young People Pretending to Love Work?
What If People Don’t Want 'A Career?'
Want to work 9-to-5? Good luck building a career
Toxic Academic Career Advice and the Wrong Answers to- ‘Why didn’t I get the job?’
Academics aren’t content creators, and it’s regressive to make them so
After Working at Google, I’ll Never Let Myself Love a Job Again
‘I’m in a really dark place’: Complaints at Goldman Sachs set off a workplace debate
Fictional Texts/Memoirs
Industry (TV show)
Uncanny Valley by Anna Weiner
How to Be a Person in the World by Heather Havrilesky
The Lonely City by Olivia Laing
The Assistant (film)