Jealousy is prevalent in graduate school. That’s not a surprise. We’re all trying to get ahead in a field that is increasingly competitive. Will it shock you to say that I have dealt with envy my whole life? That’s something you deal with as a developing person and you handle it.

The thing that is new for me is that I have often been the target of jealousy. For things that I wasn’t even consciously aware of- I’ve been accused of trying to steal someone’s assistantship, trying to make someone “look bad” by getting assignments done early and even daring to have a friendship with a coworker when someone else was friends with her first. The audacity!

I had a very surreal moment this week in which someone’s jealousy and insecurity had caused them to try to turn a supervisor against me. I now have to work with this person going forward.

Which leads me to another realization. In workplaces, some people feel that friendship and comraderie is OWED to them by everyone. That any form of disinterest or preference for someone else’s company is a problem. It’s the kind of mental labor that I hate. It has lead many supervisors to tell me “I need to get along better with people.” Yes, I am respectful and cordial, and try to find a common working relationship. No, I do not owe anyone friendship or to share tons of things about myself.