Hey everyone,

If you received an email saying you had your subscription canceled, have no fear. You are still on the list. I’ve only been using this platform (Substack) for a little while, and it had originally been set up to allow readers to sign up for a paid subscription if they were needing somewhere to put their couch money. Big high five to the few of you who bought me a coffee every month.

It sounded cool at the time, but I’m not writing enough to justify it charging anyone. That’s not what this writing project is about. I found myself just giving every new subscriber a free lifetime subscription if they chose the free option.

I’d rather have people subscribe because they want to know when a new post goes live, and I don’t need the pressure of “delivering paid content.”

Since Putin invaded Ukraine I’ve had a string of connected and unconnected thoughts. In no particular order, here are some of them:

1. Putin is a dick. He likes power, and adhere’s to an interpretation of history that favors his own reality. U.S. politics are full of people who also want power, and revise history to their own ends.

2. It’s really hard to understand the level of money and power - and cooperation from those with money and power - it takes to produce and maintain the level of propaganda required to keep millions of people in the dark.

3. Each of us sits in an information bubble of our own complacency. The algorithmic overlords feed on the human weaknesses that allow our echo chambers to take root. One can feel bewildered at what others appear to believe, which can easily turn into judgment and bitterness. Others look at you with the same confusion.

4. Tucker Carlson is a dick and it seems like he’s being paid to give Americans the narrative Putin has worked really hard to infiltrate our networks. He is a perfect example of the special kind of cynism bred only by capitalism. He feeds the revisionist history+power machine.

5. American’s who champion democratic ideals abroad, and other “sovereign” people’s struggles to achieve those same ideals for themselves should think about who else has lost their sovereignty through policy, power, and manifest destiny on our own soil. Indigenous Americans still suffer at the hands of everything we benefit from. Being all in for someone else’s freedom is easy when it’s mediated, distant, or at least not bleeding on your front porch.

6. There are songs from the canon of my youth that sizzle to the top of my thoughts when I see violence and cruelty in the media. The sarcasm in Fear’s “Let’s have a war”, Dead Kennedy’s “Riot” both mask sadness and exhaustion. They also articulate chaos and confusion in a way art only can. Suicidal Tendencies “Two-sided Politics” flips the coin on society’s view of undesirables who need to be controlled by the state. “I’m not anti-government, government’s anti-me” is a reminder that we don’t start out being a problem. It’s when we encounter some other force that insists their belief is the right one and should be upheld at any cost that we become a problem to those who hold power.

7. As a father and husband, I get most stressed out and choked up seeing the loss. In particular for parents losing children. Kids losing parents. Partners losing each other.

8. It’s interesting how our personalities can seem designed for certain situations. By all accounts, and in everything I’ve seen in the media, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is owning his role and inspiring people around the world. But prior to Russia’s invasion, he was struggling. His polls were down, and he was adopting some heavy-handed approaches to leadership that gave his voters reason to be concerned. The older I’ve gotten I’ve tried to be more aware of where my personality is best suited, and be ok with just sucking at certain things.

9. Growing up I was taught in church to recognize evil, and even Satan, in things - objects, music, art, government policy deemed immoral, or seemingly counter to “what God wants.” At 47 years old, if I were to I.D. evil in a police lineup, it would be the one who enlists one human to destroy another. I think I understand one’s ability to take someone’s life by your own hand. I mean, I get limbic system survival. I know hurt, rage and fear. But to be the person that sends someone across a border to take from others, or even create policies that similarly takes rights, or exercises power over another in order to prop up an ideology (looking at you Florida, Texas, and Idaho), that’s what I would call evil.

10. The amount of authoritarianism in the US right now gives me a lot of anxiety. I know humans like certainty, they like heroes and short sentences that aren’t boring or confusing. They like to be fed the things that taste and feel good. I find it hard to trust people who give space to that kind of anti-intellectual worldview. But these GOP assholes are in it to win it, and they do not give fuck.

    

    Walter Shaub @waltshaub

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how Trump extorted Ukraine by withholding military aid lately, about how he repeatedly praised Putin, about how Pompeo similarly lavished praise on Putin, and about how a bunch of senators spent a recent Fourth of July in Moscow.

    9:31 PM ∙ Mar 9, 2022

    ---

    7,081Likes2,145Retweets

11. I just read this helpful article on forgiveness, how it functions and who it serves. Hard to do. But ultimately good for us. Hope you are all doing ok.
    
    https://www.vox.com/22967752/how-to-forgive-someone-who-isnt-sorry-wont-apologize

For the longest time I’ve wanted to have an experimental music and sound series as part of our programming at Eugene Contemporary Art (the art nonprofit I co-founded in 2011). I'm excited to say that this is becoming a reality.

We are kicking off our new series, titled UnSound, by hosting San Francisco-based artist Mark Lentczner, a.k.a. Electric.Kitchen. He will be doing a collaborative, improvisational performance with video artist Dirty Bill, Eugene’s Woke-Ass Messiah, and Portland’s Casual Decay.

I will be hosting a short panel discussion and QA with the musicians after the event. Read all about the event at ECA’s blog, and you can buy tickets here:

Ghosts. 

Dead. Undead. Stuck between worlds. True. Not true. Residuals of 1890s seances and 1990s tabloid television. My favorite ghost was always Charlie Brown having “a little trouble with the scissors” with his costume at Halloween. It was sad because he was the embodiment of sincerity and failure at the same time. He was on brand though. He stood out.

We’re all traveling a million miles an hour through space, pinned the side of a spinning green and blue rock by magical forces we try to explain with charts and graph, and then we have the audacity to act like we’ve got it all figured. Then on top of that, we get mad when someone else doesn’t see things the same way we do.

Humans. Am I right?

The holidays were fine. My immediate family has still managed to dodge the Omicron bullet, but everyone we know is getting sick so it all feels inevitable. If gravity quit working tomorrow I would not be surprised.

Both my day job and my work with ECA have been very busy since the new year started. The day job has been going great. ECA was denied a couple of really key grants we needed (one from the NEA) which has been frustrating, but also a good learning experience. I mean, what else are you going to do when the government gives you a hard pass? Evidently, transitioning to a nonprofit creates some cognitive dissonance within yourself, and it becomes manifest when you discover your story isn’t coming across as clearly as someone else needs:

I just it’s been since October since I last posted. But I suppose being busy with life and family and fixing things around a new house means my focus is focused on other things that need focusing.

My art practice currently feels like it’s drifting from my fingers. I’m struggling with prioritizing it in light of other things that need attention. And typing that last sentence makes me think that it’s not my art practice that is suffering, but rather my ability to let go, and be ok with centering my attention on the needs of life.

I’m not someone who sits around well. If I get focused on a subject or project I tend to maintain a death grip on it until I get exhausted. This is not always a healthy thing, but it’s pretty typical for people with ADD/ADHD. The bigger struggle is what I let myself get locked on to. Often it’s the tasks that are easy, or take fewer decisions, rather than on things that are the most rewarding. This is why “making that bookshelf we need in our living room so we don’t have to buy one” is easier than “I need to make ten decisions on this [artwork project name] that I can’t seem to finish and actually keeps me up at night thinking about it”.

Anyway, none of the above will go away. And the bookshelf is actually pretty dope. I’ll post a pic when it’s done.

I took the day off work today in the hopes of getting some studio time, and working on some exterior house projects. I also wanted to share some recent drawings, but didn’t want to sit and wring my hands over writing about it. So here is zero-effort video of me talking about some drawings made since July 2021.

Don’t expect good lighting, sponsored products, or links to other videos, because as of today there are none. I’m just extending the audit of my work to a different format.

If you are new here, you can get deep dives into what goes into my drawings via these posts:

In my work you will frequently see broken letter forms, half-written sentences, or sentences that may sound like a common phrase or misspoken piece of pop culture. Like a new kid at school trying to say something cool to fit in and then blowing it, and everyone just looks at him. 

Cue the crickets and sweaty hands.

I have a new studio space-ish. Just a drawing table really. But I’m excited about it. Everything is still a bit of a mess from the move. And of course I started new drawings before I finished unpacking and setting up the space. I need to live and work in it first before I know how I need it to be organized.

Our house has a finished basement, and since I work from home I took over an office area the previous owners had built into a room in the far corner. Currently I spend 8 hours a day in there as a user experience designer for a digital services company working in the public sector. My drawing table, books, and art supplies will eventually take up most of the room. I intentionally gave my professional work the smallest amount of space (a standing desk and light mounted to the wall in the corner) so that when I came in there to draw, or write, or think, my body and brain would recognize what the priority really was.

Mind games, really. But important ones.

Hello friend. It’s been just over a month since the last time I wrote. I’m sure you were pacing the halls late at night wondering when the next firehose-blast of universal truth and wisdom would arrive.

It’s here now. You can go back to bed.

I have several upcoming posts about my own work forthcoming. They’ve been a bit more difficult to get out, but I suppose that makes sense. Making, thinking, and writing about the art you make are all separate processes. I am having to go back and look more closerly at some of my recent drawings and paintings which has slowed the flow of words. In the meantime, writing has taken a back seat to family life, so let’s catch up...

New habits are hard to start.

I try to be cognizant of the two-week mark anytime I start working out or jogging again after a long break. Two weeks tends to be when “something gets in the way”. Then a week goes by and before you know it you have blown your attempt at starting something, and you have to start over again.

Hey Friends,

A quick note - I’ll be the guest of honor during Lane Arts Council’s Happy Hour Livestream tomorrow afternoon from 5-6pm. You can join the conversation on Youtube here:

I believe it will also stream on Lane Arts Council’s Facebook page if you prefer to use that ecosystem.

And just like that, all my studio mojo and blog post writing motivation got sidelined.

I’ve not had time to write for the last week or two because we had an offer on a house accepted and it has shifted all our mental energy towards document signing, list making, garage sorting and furniture dreaming. This is big for our family. We are stoked. The next two months will be really busy.

While I was writing my last post, I remembered something. 

A long time ago - 12 years ago actually - someone gave me this tiny sketchbook. It was only about 5.5” x 3.5”. Annoyingly small. I’m particular about sketchbook sizes. I think this one was meant for an old crusty poet traveling through Europe with a whisky flask in one chest pocket, and drawings of Parisian alley dogs humping in the other. I tend to horde free art supplies, even if I don’t use them right away, or at all. Because, why? 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Though I didn’t really like the size I decided to try something so the paper didn’t go to waste. It was a small space so I made me some rules: 

At the moment my studio goal is to work for 1.5 hours on Monday and Friday mornings before work, and at least a couple hours on the weekend. This feels doable, and it breaks up the week nicely. On Tuesday through Thursday mornings I work at my responsibilities as the director of an art space. Starting my week in the studio helps make it a priority.

I don’t like mornings. Historically I’m a night-owl. As I creep through my forties, my sleep has suffered more and more from insane amounts of time spent locked to a screen. So I’m trying to change things by using screens less and night, getting better sleep, and getting up earlier. My wife gets up at 5:30am to run or do yoga. After a while you start to feel like a giant baby with that kind of discipline happening next to you every day.

Old, heavy things that might drift away

I like broken architecture and abstract structural forms. Currently, these appear as unfolding, origami-like shapes that often look like they acknowledge the presence of gravity or perspective, but then don’t go through with it. It’s not that they don’t like gravity. (I mean, it is a bully.) It’s just that a drawing of a building or 3d object on paper is still neither of those things no matter how accurate or detailed. Artists clarified this decades (even centuries) ago. These forms are used in my paintings and drawings, as well as in my design work.

Hi. I’m glad you opened this.

Once, back when we were young, fresh, and pandemic free, possibly in a previous decade even - you signed up for an email list or newsletter, or event, related to my art shenanigans, or my design practice. Or maybe you didn’t sign up but you know who I am. Maybe really well. Perhaps we share a bloodline. Perhaps you we are unrelated, but you attended one of my weddings…

“You’ve really let yourself go” said the studio, looking itself in the mirror. This is just one corner of a garage workspace that no longer functions. The mess stretches for another 10 feet.

I’m cleaning out my studio contents. Its a hot mess piled into my garage. I’m tempted to push it into the driveway and set it on fire. But before I do, some background -

“Structural integrity is necessary for existential longevity”, 2014, 8”.5x11”, digital. Image for an as-of-yet unreleased zine project.