Archive • deathbystrawberries • Buttondown

(64) fear is the mind killer

it’s been exactly five months and a day since the last time i posted here. one the one hand it is a big writing hiatus for me, but on the other time feels...

(63) crying in the library / homecoming

January 15, 2025

on friday, the 13th of december 2024 i finally* submitted my PhD dissertation (*albeit two years in advance). it was almost a year to the date when i learned...

(62) a year like no other

October 9, 2024

at sundown of october 2nd we transitioned from year 5784 to 5785 in the jewish calendar. and this monday marked 366 days — a year in the civil calendar —...

(61) the sh*t cherry

September 23, 2024

the finish line is SO freaking close i can almost taste it, or, better said, feel the proverbial finish line breaking and flapping across my battered sweaty...

(60) keeping time (tw: self-unaliving, m)

September 11, 2024

the ides of august come and go, come and go. tension builds throughout the summer, and i dread this seasonal change, the new school year. my sister m’s...

(59) resignation (tw: war)

September 5, 2024

as i venture deeper into the final stretch before handing over the dissertation to my supervisor, hopefully by rosh hashanah, october 2nd, i am ineffectual...

(58) pre-vacation rizz

as our family holiday closes in, (always starting with the 1st of august, my baby siblings’ birthday, who turn 16 this year so they’re not really “the...

(57) simple problems, simpler solutions

i am 300 pages along. in the last newsletter i was moping and moaning that i felt utterly alone, and now i’m better. now that it happened it seemed like a...

(56) in the thick of it

i am deep in the writing process. it hasn’t been easy, but it has been somewhat enjoyable — the same form of enjoyment you get from completing a grueling...

today is the first day of my (almost) exclusive dedication to finishing the doctoral thesis. until the 2nd of august i have the first big stretch of (almost)...

(54) depression sells

on the last newsletter i had my first wave of unsubscribers (ever), which i think pretty much answers my question of whether being happy makes me less...

(53) happy spring

things have been working out for me, and the last few months have been filled with joy. the spring term began and so did my academic duties, a hap-hazardous...

(52) grief cycling (*TW: suicide)

it has been seven years of surviving Manel's death, and as certain as the seasons pass, leaves fall, snow melts, spring blooms, summer wanes, days turn to...

*(51) endless january thank you notes * with pictures

February 2, 2024

i'm thankful this gdforsaken month has finally ended. the 6472924 days of january were each harder than the other, and i was left absolutely breathless at...

(50) unwanted houseguests

January 18, 2024

part i. unwanted houseguests the spaces i inhabit acquire a dynamic of their own. ever since i started living alone, now well over a decade ago(!), my dorm...