The Slow and Unyielding March of Time | Episode 5
In case you were wondering why there are so many November birthdays, February is 9 months before November. HOWEVER I was 6 weeks early, so I was not a "Valentine's Day" baby, I was an "April showers bring May flowers" baby. (Mom and Dad, do not confirm or deny this.)
I'm 36. I'm not going to write toooooo much about this, because this is already a self-indulgent newsletter, and what is more self-indulgent than writing about your own birthday? But you signed up for this, so you're getting a couple paragraphs SUCKERS.
It doesn't feel bad as I start my ascent into my late-30s; I'm happy with the person I am, and I look forward to the person I will become. I had a party on Friday that was completely overwhelming because it was noisy and a lot of people were there, but I also felt so loved.
A thing that has been great about getting older is that I can finally emotionally agree with my therapist that I am a person who can accept being loved. I think I never had a particularly difficult time with loving others but it often felt like I was the sun, radiating love outwards. I never knew how to accept it back into myself. (Except in the form of the anti-matter that is Plucky.) But suns aren't a never-ending source of energy; they eventually burn out and destroy everything in their orbit. I would get so, so tired. It's scary to let other people care for me, but it feels more sustainable.
Okay, this is getting too saccharine so I will just also tell you that my parents have so far sent me 4 birthday cards with cats on the front, and implied that there are more on the way. I will give an updated count in my next newsletter.
Debris
One of my last acts of being 35 was to fix my garbage disposal. The p-trap got dislodged and was leaking water under my sink. It took an hour and a half of physical strength, manual dexterity, a pair of garden gloves, and lots of cursing and frustration, but I managed to seal it up and clean everything and now I am quitting my job and going to plumbing school. (Just kidding, it was very gross and I admire plumbers so much.)
I woke up this morning without a sore throat or nausea and it's the first time in WEEKS and I am thrilled about it.
I was sick for Halloween so instead of getting my act together and being Detective Pikkachu I just put on a unicorn onesie that some dude gave me on a date once and was a unicorn. I was so warm! I don't think I've ever been warm on Halloween before.
What I'm reading:
Currently:
The Trespasser by Tana French: Readers paying too much attention may note that this is an author I've read before; I previously read The Secret Place which was a mystery set in a posh girl's boarding school in Dublin. This story features the same detectives but different settings. I'm digging it so far, although it's not as experimental or weird as the Secret Place. (Yet.)
Recently finished:
I've actually given up on a lot of books recently, not because they were bad, but just because I didn't feel like I was in the right mind space to read them. Hopefully I'll start feeling more engaged soon.
Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram: This is really sweet YA novel about depression and friendship and belonging. I was particularly struck by how Darius learns a lot about himself and his family members by getting more context into their behavior by really paying attention to their stories. Context is so important. Almost everyone is behaving in an understandable, rational way, based on the set of information in their heads.
I'm having a really great weekend. I hope you all are too. I love you so much!
-davida