the slow and unyielding march of time episode 38
recently, my partner david bought tickets to a show at brooklyn steel and invited me to come along. i had a busy week, and didn't have a chance to check out the bands ahead of time, so i walked in sight unseen. the lineup turned out to be king yosef, a metal band (the linked article refers to the frontman as a "screamer-beatmaker," an incredible and apt description), pixel grip, which was described to me as "darkwave" (i don't know what that means) and felt club-poppy to me, and the headliner was noise rock band health.
it made me think a little bit about ye olde days, when i would go to shows (sometimes on a SCHOOL night) and then have to catch a return train to westchester (high school), or poughkeepsie (college). imagine staying out past the final encore, then RUNNING through grand central terminal at 1am to try to catch the last train so you don't have to find a place to nap/hide from security until the morning trains start running again. i did that? i did that. i did it for bands that i loved, but also on larks. (uncle cracker opening for sugar ray, lol.)
back then i would go to almost any show i was invited to. i had the time, the energy, and it was a lot cheaper. even when the music was bad, i loved being part of a crowd, an experience.
the logistics are easier now that i live in brooklyn, but i'm obviously older, shows are SO expensive, and someone turned the gravity way up. standing for three hours makes my back hurt if i wear the wrong shoes, and unfortunately the right shoes for standing are also the right shoes for looking like a real dweeb.
i've tried to be someone who saves ticket stubs, but eventually i always realize i've got a pile of paper that didn't feel meaningful. i felt like i was fetishizing the tickets themselves. and also i really love throwing things out, so i'd get fed up and trash them.
thinking back though, i wish i had some kind of record of all the music i went to see when i was younger, not to fetishize, but to help me trigger memories. writing this has made me think of so many nights i haven't thought of in a long time (like going to see dan the automater's weird side project lovage, at the bowery ballroom in 2002.) there's a lot more fun/weird nights somewhere in my brain, but it's hard to shake them out without a trigger these days.
i hadn't been to a show like this in awhile, where the musicians were cohesive and fun and i had a great time despite knowing literally nothing about any of the bands ahead of time. it wasn't my normal scene, but the bass was turned up so loudly that i felt like it was giving me a heart arrhythmia (complimentary). i guess i still love being part of a crowd (despite all my pandemic anxieties), an experience.
debris
i have been watching slow horses and it's such a good show! i watch SO much bad tv, so this feels very notable. maybe i will spoil the rest of the seasons by reading the books!
i'll probably write more about this next time, but i signed up for a walk around manhattan in one day. that's uhhh 32 miles!!! i walked 18 miles yesterday and it was very tiring. pray for me!
i have tired of feeling like a jellyfish floating in a noncommittal ocean, so i started going to therapy again. if nothing else, it's great to have an hour a week dedicated to complaining about stuff.
i lost my e-reader. it's disappeared somewhere and i have no idea how to find it. it's not in any of my bags or under the bed or the couch. i guess it's back to physical books for me.
what I've been reading
i read a bunch of books in the past few months that i didn't care for, and i am going to skip telling you about them! because who cares???
I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain by Courtney Robertson
i'm sorry, i love the bachelor and gossip and consuming media about bachelor gossip. robertson sounds pretty annoying to be around, but so does her bachelor, and basically all the women who were on her season.
Consolation by Deborah Shaprio
gita lent me this book over a year ago, right before plucky died. because it is centers a death, i put off reading it, but i finally felt ready for it this month. it is a beautifully written book about many things, including who gets centered in narratives, and the intersections of each other in our lives. thanks gita! i will give it back when i see you next.
Hunting by Stars (a Marrow Thieves Novel) by Cherie Dimaline
i didn't hate this book, but i hated it as a sequel to the marrow thieves. the characters made a lot of decisions that didn't feel true to their original incarnations. it also took one of the most interesting parts of the first novel (related to native languages) and totally dropped it on the floor. so this book felt pretty disappointing; i personally feel that it would have been better to place it in the same universe, but with different characters.
Duel by Jessixa Bagley (author) and Aaron Bagley (illustrator)
i am a bit biased because i know and love these two, and half the art on my wall are aaron bagley originals. this graphic novel blends family conflict and fencing (which i knew very little about), and made me cry several times. i loved it!
The Writing Retreat by Julia Bartz
alex, an aspiring, currently blocked novelist, gets an invite to roza vallo's (her favorite feminist-horror author), writing retreat in her haunted mansion. at first it's intense, but exciting, but BOY do things take a violent turn the night vallo doses them all with LSD. i stayed up too late reading it, so thrilling accomplished!
How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix
a fun, extremely scary (for me, i am a cowardly lil baby) story about louise having to return home and attempt to sell her parent's house after they die abruptly. but also, it's about family secrets, and trauma, and how all debts must eventually be settled.
Hot Springs Drive by Lindsay Hunter
it's another thriller about lust and resentment and despair! it also includes this description of work, which made me stop and put my head in my hands: "At work, she say with her back to the window and typed in little boxes and larger boxes and medium-sized boxes, and her computer screen reflected the window just over her shoulder, the sky the color of her computer screen plus a little blue or a little gray. She typed and sent. Copied and pasted. Deleted and undeleted. She skimmed replies; she made edits." WHEW.
The Ghost Bride by Yangsze Choo
this book was weird as hell, i loved it. infused with a lot of chinese folklore that i wasn't familiar with, this story was far out of the normal narratives i tend to read and really fun.
The Woman in Me by Britney Spears
if you want to really build up some rage, read the second half of her story where her father and a judge conspire to keep poor brit in her conservatorship, stifle her artistic creativity, and treat her like a captive child/performance robot. it's really nuts how women can get fully trapped with almost no recourse.
Harlem Shuffle by Colson Whitehead
whitehead is SUCH a good writer. this one just didn't hold my interest, personally, but if you like beautiful writing i don't think you can go wrong with whitehead.
it's the last day of march and the sun was out all weekend. what a glory to behold. fingers crossed, friends, but i think we finally made it out of winter. i'm so thrilled!!! hope you are all doing well.
much love,
davida