the slow and unyielding march of time | episode 12
Hey there, peach popsicles!
I started this newsletter so that people could opt into casually keeping up when I left Facebook; how was I to know, way back in September of 2019, that time and "keeping up" would cease to have any meaning? But bless all you folks who have hung in there, and especially those of you who have started bugging me for an update, even though you know I don't have much to update.
At the top: Black lives matter. Trans women are women; trans men are men. Fuck ICE. Defund the police. If anyone on this newsletter is confused about any of those statement, message me; I'm happy to help you understand why I feel that way, and why you should too.
The 4th of July was once my favorite holiday. There's a tiny community harbor very close to my parents' house; when I was growing up, it was easy to walk there, even by myself sometimes, and spend all day hanging out and swimming in the pool and running around on the tiny beach, daring each other to stick our toes into the dirty water. (I believed the rumors of chopped-up corpses just littering the little harbor.) On the 4th, we'd divide up into teams and do silly competition, like trying to get a Vaseline-covered watermelon from one side of the pool to the other. We'd head home and I'd get to eat as many cheeseburgers as I wanted for dinner. We'd head back to the beach when darkness fell, and sit as far out on the docks as the grownups would let us and wait for fireworks, wiggling in anticipation for the night sky to light up.
It's interesting to think about little 8-year-old Davida, who never would have guessed that 30ish years later, I actively try to avoid the holiday. I've worked on the 4th, flown to Europe (it was cheap!), and last weekend, after three weeks of no sleep because of fireworks, I went to my friend's farm in Connecticut, deep in the country where I hoped to avoid even the tiniest sparkler. We stayed in The Cozy Inn, the farm's bed-and-breakfast that Anh runs; once they're operational again, ya'll should definitely go stay there for a few days. It was odd, of course, not being able to hug my dear friends, and having to stand and sit an awkward distance away, but it was so good to see people and be in nature. Anh made some incredible Korean hangover stew (with oxtail and kimchi and two!!! types of noodles) for dinner that made me so, so tired. We went to bed early and slept in.
The quiet at night was deep and delicious; the next day, as I tucked into a lunch of 12-hour brisket and corn, I felt more relaxed than I have in ages. I hope you all got to have a nice day off, and maybe spent some time thinking about the nature of independence?
Debris:
I rescued my mom's old bike from the depths of my parent's garage and with Rebecca's help got it into working order! I'm so happy to have wheels again. The pedal radius is smaller than normal, which I think will be good once I get used to it.
I've been craving fresh fruit. What vitamin deficiency do I have? I've also been getting "into" salads. (I'm not suddenly health -- I've eaten six hotdogs in a two-week span.) But also the fruit this year is absolutely banging so if you haven't had any, GET AFTER IT.
Another friend who recovered from Covid early was so kind and came all the way down from Harlem to have a drink in the park. We sat in my camping chairs and enjoyed the weirdly-cool evening. It's so great to see friends!
What I'm Reading:
Before I talk about what I'm reading! There's been a lot of anti-racism book lists going around, which is cool and if you are a White person you should buy and read at least one of those! (May I recommend So You Wanna Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo who is extremely rad and also a great Instagram follow -- she serves up some absolutely incredible looks.)
However, I also think that reading fiction by Black authors that center Black stories -- which showcase love and joy and just mundane day-to-day life -- is really important as well. Humans believe our own lived experiences over others. (And of course, we believe men's experiences over women, but that's a topic for another day.) Reading fiction that centers people who look and live differently than ourselves is a way of creating empathy and compassion into their lived experiences. Which is really cool, in my opinion. Anyway, I have reading lists to pass on!
Samantha Irby is a very funny cool essayist and she has an email newsletter and she sent out this list which looks dope.
Jasmine Guillory is a romance author whose books are breezy and chill and well-written and relaxingly low-stakes. I love love so much! Here's a cool list she published as well!
OKAY on to ME.
Currently:
The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett: Sahar described this to me as "The book of the summer," and I've barely started and think she's right. A set of 16-year-old twins run off from home, a fictional town in Louisiana that is exclusively for light-skinned Black folks. They move to New Orleans; "after a year, the twins scattered, their lives splitting as evenly as their shared egg. Stella became white and Desiree married the darkest man she could find." The writing is excellent, and I'm very excited to read more!
Recently:
It Wasn't Me by Dana Alison Levy: Theo's a middle-school kid whose art exhibit is vandalized; there are five suspect, all who claim innocence. The principal wants to just suspend them all for a week, but Theo's favorite teacher talks them all into trying a Restorative Justice circle. This was a cool book to read amid the backdrop of the police abolition movement that's going on right now; obviously, this is a pretty simplified version of what a broader Restorative Justice model could look like, but it highlights the fact that an overly punitive system doesn't "solve" anything. Working towards justice and closure forces us to examine each other's humanity in a way that questions what we think we know about others.
Zero Sum Game by S.L. Huang: Cas Russel is a woman who is scarily good at math. Like, able to calculate the projected arcs of bullets so she can dance through a gun fight easy-peasy. She thinks she's doing a simple retrival job, but she gets pulled into investigating a mysterious organization that seems to be able to get under her skin in the way that no one ever has. This book is extremely fast-paced and utterly absurd; it's not "good" but also I bit my fingernail down to the nub while reading it, and am definitely gonna read the others in the trilogy.
Tabula Rasa by Kristen Lippert-Martin: Sarah is in a hospital undergoing operations on her brain to eliminate memories; she's told it's to help people who have experienced some kind of trauma. She's listless, bored, and a prisoner who is constantly being surveiled. During a power outage during an operation (!!!) someone sneaks two pills into her hand, with instructions to take them 24 hours apart. She takes one and starts to have memory flashbacks -- did she suffer a trauma? Or did she ... cause one? That night, a military team invades the hospital looking for her, murdering everyone in the their path. Who is Sarah, and why is she so important? This book was also a pretty tense thriller but really revolves around who we are and where our identity comes from.
The Assassination of Fred Hampton by Jeffrey Haas: If you don't know, Fred Hampton was the leader of the Illinois Chapter of the Black Panther Party who was brutally murdered by the FBI and the Chicago Police department when he was 21 years old. He was a powerful speaker, with the ability to move people. 50 years later, the systems he was trying to transform remain firmly rooted in their racism; the efforts the authorities took to silence him are horrific.
Dread Nation by Justina Ireland: Okay what if ... the north hadn't "won" the Civil War, but instead, during the battle of Gettysburg, the dead rose and started eating the soldiers on both sides?! Racism, of course, doesn't die; The institution of slavery -- and the entirety of the Reconstruction Era -- is remapped to a world where the historically oppressed are called upon to fight the dead. Also, zombies may be caused by a virus? So it's truly a book of the times. It was really interesting and gripping! Man, I love YA.
Mrs Caliban by Rachel Ingalls: Holy shit this book ended up being super sad! I really liked it, although I probably would not have read it if I'd realized how sad it was going to be. But I guess it starts with a woman whose life/marriage has been falling apart since the death of her child and then subsequent miscarriage. Sooo, that's on me. The writing was very deliberate and tight and controlled; it felt like a real reflection of her inner state.
How to Live Safely in a Science Fiction Universe by Charles Yu: This book is about loneliness and despair, disorientation and stillness, all wrapped up in a science-fiction package. Time travel books are usually mired in the same kind of problems and musings; Yu seems to sidestep a lot of those problems and instead explores what it means to be human and to exist. It also has a silliness to it that was very enjoyable.
Good lord I am reading a lot of things about loneliness and identity! THANKS PANDEMIC.
This is so long! If you made it all the way to here, thanks and congratulations.
I hope you all are holding up in these trying times. I love you all so much and can't wait for a time where I can hug you.
<3
davida