Crashing takes time
Crashing doesn’t happen all at once. Seems like it. It’s not the fall, but the sudden stop at the end. But then you look back. See that it was happening long...
I was loved
I’m everything I amBecause you loved me I was loved. Falsely, as it turns out. Not because of them, but because of me. They loved a version of me. A...
Just be me
I’m supposed to just be myself. Be the best me I can be. There’s only one me. Kind of glad that last one’s true. Not sure about the first two. Because I’m...
Walking home
Like a lot of us on the spectrum, words have a nearly mythic appeal. Because of how my brain’s wired, certain words sound like fingers on harp strings....
(Feeling) judged by Door Dash
It’s a simple enough question: “How many people did you order for?” Just another mundane data pull for Door Dash so our future robot overlords know exactly...
Proof of NT life
No idea what it’s like for you neurotypicals but the “introduce yourself to a potential employer” self-recorded video to this particular neurodivergent since...
Falling for The Fall Guy
As a Gen Xer, I’m 100% going to see The Fall Guy because while recycling IP from my childhood makes the creative in me itch, the nostalgic Man Of A Certain...
Am I enough?
I am enough. Or I want to be. I’d like to be. I want to be enough. For everyone in my life. It validates me to know that I am. Or to be told that I am. But...
Autistic? Or asshole?
Before I knew I was autistic, I just wrote it off to being an asshole. And by “it” I mean the gut reaction response to things that usually meant one of the...
White space
I’d like to think I’m a visionary. A self-starter. Someone who can see that far horizon and blaze a trail toward it. That given enough time to do what I...
Getting the order wrong
It’s the 3 Ms: MotivationMovementMomentum That’s the order. Motivate myself to move and generate momentum. Except most days? I have to move first. Because...
Aiming small
Aim small, miss small. First heard that in American Sniper, Bradley Cooper’s prosthetic-free ode to an American icon. Context is sniper training, and the...
I'm a real boy
Just watched the trailer for Little Wing. Burst into tears. Learning to let myself have those moments. Sit with my feelings. Let them roll over me. Maybe...
Wish I was special
Somewhere between putting the Kindle down and trying to dial down the yawning abyss enough to close my eyes for the night, I caught up with myself. I’m not...
Rear views and windshields
I am trapped by the smaller view. The one in the rearview mirror. It’s too small to show me what went right. Only room enough for what went wrong. Out the...
I'm that guy
I used to watch The Jerry Springer Show. I’d have done it ironically, but this was before irony permeated the cultural landscape, in the days before...
When size matters
As someone “in between opportunities” in the 21st century, I get a lot of canned responses to job applications. Usually they package the “nope, not you”...