Mandatory Cinco de Mayo muttering
Here’s all I know about Cinco de Mayo: It’s not Mexican Independence DayIn Mexico, it’s only really celebrated in PueblaThe holiday started out as a...
Finger thinkings
I’ve never been what you’d call consistent. Except at maybe starting things. And (re)scheduling things. It’s that “re” that’s critical. Subtext in my daily...
Reframing narratives
Based on the pitchfork stacking on LinkedIn, Simon Sinek has committed the great sin of pointing out that nonprofits have a perception problem. The word...
Prophecies
We are our own prophets. Prophets have no honor in their own country. Because prophets bear little good news. They blame God. The universe. What tortilla...
Justifying my validation
Halfway through explaining myself, I heard it. Justifying my existence. They’re always needing that. Some explanation for my behavior, my choices. Because...
Finding my way
It’s that 30 minutes we get here in Texas when the days are just warm enough to be pleasant, there’s still some relief when the sun goes down, and the...
A blog by any other name
Something about having a “blog” has taken me back to a previous version of myself that I didn’t know existed. I never really had a personal blog. Not...
See me, hear me
I grew up listening to Petra. Not grew up, exactly, because in our house Christian rock was still rock and since rock was the devil’s music and originated...
Running out of runway
The hustlers talk about runway. In the finance world, it’s how many months a business has before it runs out of cash. A couple of years ago I stepped off the...
I want to hate Logan Paul
I want to hate Logan Paul. I thought my special interest was safe. One of them, anyway. I mean, wrestling. Athletes in spandex in a kinetic soap opera. Far...
The hater in the mirror
Haters. We’ve all had them. In my head they’re Luther and his Rogues from 1982’s The Warriors and they keep taunting me to come out to play. Except it’s not...
The "A" word
Let’s talk about the “A” word Accountability. At its best? Partnership. Built on support. Mutual. Shared. A journey taken together. But then? It devolves....
Manscaping everything
It’s Sunday morning, and I’m shaving my face. Later, I start the mower. Trim the yard, keep the HOA at bay for another week. Maybe longer, if it’s winter....
The system worked
Got summoned for jury duty. Not my first time. Just the first time I answered the summons with something other than a request for deferment. Not because I’m...
You can look back
It’s right there in the lyrics: Out on the road todayI saw a Deadhead sticker on a CadillacA little voice inside my head said“Don’t look back, you can never...
Simultaneous magic
As A Man Of A Certain Age, I see a lot of intellectual property from my youth making its way to film in some form or another. I don’t know that this is a...
Anywhere but down
Nowhere to go but up. They tell you that in the rooms. Over styrofoam cups of decent coffee, remnants of cigarettes sneaking in to underscore regret. That at...
Melting down
Big feelings. Something we associate with kids. Beings less developed than ourselves. They don’t have the words to deal with them. But they will, when they...
Ripples
Doesn’t matter how far you fell. Or how big you were. Once you hit the water, the ripples fade. The fall isn’t the problem. It’s the sudden stop at the end....
Capacity < potential
We get told almost from the womb that we have potential. It’s vague, unclear, but we start to see the outlines of it. The lucky ones get handed the crayon....
Crashing takes time
Crashing doesn’t happen all at once. Seems like it. It’s not the fall, but the sudden stop at the end. But then you look back. See that it was happening long...
I was loved
I’m everything I amBecause you loved me I was loved. Falsely, as it turns out. Not because of them, but because of me. They loved a version of me. A...
Just be me
I’m supposed to just be myself. Be the best me I can be. There’s only one me. Kind of glad that last one’s true. Not sure about the first two. Because I’m...
Walking home
Like a lot of us on the spectrum, words have a nearly mythic appeal. Because of how my brain’s wired, certain words sound like fingers on harp strings....
(Feeling) judged by Door Dash
It’s a simple enough question: “How many people did you order for?” Just another mundane data pull for Door Dash so our future robot overlords know exactly...
Proof of NT life
No idea what it’s like for you neurotypicals but the “introduce yourself to a potential employer” self-recorded video to this particular neurodivergent since...
Falling for The Fall Guy
As a Gen Xer, I’m 100% going to see The Fall Guy because while recycling IP from my childhood makes the creative in me itch, the nostalgic Man Of A Certain...
Am I enough?
I am enough. Or I want to be. I’d like to be. I want to be enough. For everyone in my life. It validates me to know that I am. Or to be told that I am. But...
Autistic? Or asshole?
Before I knew I was autistic, I just wrote it off to being an asshole. And by “it” I mean the gut reaction response to things that usually meant one of the...
White space
I’d like to think I’m a visionary. A self-starter. Someone who can see that far horizon and blaze a trail toward it. That given enough time to do what I...
Getting the order wrong
It’s the 3 Ms: MotivationMovementMomentum That’s the order. Motivate myself to move and generate momentum. Except most days? I have to move first. Because...
Aiming small
Aim small, miss small. First heard that in American Sniper, Bradley Cooper’s prosthetic-free ode to an American icon. Context is sniper training, and the...
I'm a real boy
Just watched the trailer for Little Wing. Burst into tears. Learning to let myself have those moments. Sit with my feelings. Let them roll over me. Maybe...
Wish I was special
Somewhere between putting the Kindle down and trying to dial down the yawning abyss enough to close my eyes for the night, I caught up with myself. I’m not...
Rear views and windshields
I am trapped by the smaller view. The one in the rearview mirror. It’s too small to show me what went right. Only room enough for what went wrong. Out the...
I'm that guy
I used to watch The Jerry Springer Show. I’d have done it ironically, but this was before irony permeated the cultural landscape, in the days before...
When size matters
As someone “in between opportunities” in the 21st century, I get a lot of canned responses to job applications. Usually they package the “nope, not you”...