The clock strikes - A short update
Or, it's been a busy few weeks.
Hello everyone!
My cat is sleeping beside me, happy and content. He’s been with us three years now and honestly, I can’t believe it. Time has gone by so fast, running onwards like a rushing river, and I am so happy that we have him in our lives. I’m pretty sure he single handedly got us through the pandemic, and I can’t even express how happy it makes me to see his little face each morning when he comes to greet me. As a cat that was feral, he deserves his cosy retirement home, and we are so privileged to give it to him.
These past few weeks I haven’t gotten as much painting done as I had hoped. My challenge to myself was almost immediately made difficult by the fact that I discovered that I didn’t actually have the small boards I thought I did in order to complete the four paintings… Well. I have now rectified this, but of course that means I have run out of quite a lot of time in order to get those paintings done. Due to this, I decided to focus on bringing that painting I shared in my last update to a much more finished level, and I’m very excited to say that it’s going really well!
I have always felt that Autumn is a time of change, a time to slough off old things, let them rest, and then bloom anew come Spring. This year is no different. I have been dealing with chronic illness, and after a decade long fight, I finally have some answers. I emerge now as a newly diagnosed person, slowly wrapping my head around what it is to be “newly” disabled, despite having to survive this with no help for so long. It’s hard to put into words how this makes me feel. I am not sad, not anymore, but then sometimes I am filled with grief over all the plans I had for what my life was going to be. I am relieved to have something to point at, something to say Yes, this. This is the reason that I am struggling. Why I am so exhausted, and why it penetrates down deeper past my bones and into the very core of me. It’s relieving to know that at least.
My life now, for the next couple of months anyway, is going to be a series of experiments. A time and space for me to figure out a way forward. To build sustainability into the structure of my days, so that I can manage my energy effectively so that I can try to mitigate the flares that are part of my condition. No. This is not how I saw my life as a 28 year old person, but these are my cards, and I am resilient. I am stubborn. I know I can build the artist’s career I want, but first I need to find the steps that work for me.
Thank you for being here!
