Honking into the Void, May 2025
Happy May Day! I wrote the following posts last month:
2025 Week 17 Notes: Largely-unnoticed nonsense
🗓️ // 21 — 27 April 2025
If you find yourself sobbing on your front stoop, sat next to someone else's jumbo bag of frozen edamame, clutching someone else's sun-faded and fraying Pride flag, just know I have been there too, friend.
Related: The excellent neighbors left Saturday night.
But we made it halfway through FunkyPlaid's sojourn!
- 🏢 All-day Saturday budget committee meeting party. See what I did there? I added a word to make it fun!
- 🥘 I forgot how to cook. (OK, not really, but I am tired of all of my recipes and I'm behaving like a child.) Share one of your favorite recipes with me, please.
- 🤔 Two of my toots resonated with Mastodon pals this week. It was unnerving to go from sharing largely-unnoticed nonsense to somewhat noticed nonsense. I need to be more careful about my nonsense.
📸 Photos
I knew about peonies. I knew about tulips. I did not know about peony tulips before I picked up a bouquet for my coworker. This is definitely a Nutella situation; once one experiences a peony tulip, how does one settle for plain old peonies or plain old tulips?
🗒 Writing
Cranking out around 1,100 words a day, most of them about the cats destroying things we love because FunkyPlaid isn't around.
📚 Reading
- I want to read "Harrow the Ninth" forever. Why are these books so good? Tamsin Muir, I'm asking you directly.
📺 Watching
- Watching part of an episode of "Scandal" has become a nightly ritual. I can't make it through a whole one at a time because everyone is so danged petty. Past the halfway point in the series, and I'm surprised none of these people have gone no-contact with each other. There isn't a single healthy relationship to be found.
🎧 Listening
Sometimes the algorithm serves me a song from Justin Timberlake's "Justified" album, and I am delighted by the ensuing firework burst of memory. Right before FunkyPlaid moved to Scotland the first time, I swore he told me that he liked this album. It was so odd, hearing this confession, because it did not fit at all with what I knew of FunkyPlaid's musical taste. (A tale for another post, this musical taste of his, so intricate and specific I have always pictured it as an entity existing separately from him.) So of course I bought the album, because I wanted to hear what he heard. I mean, fun songs, sure. But when we got back together I asked him about it, what he liked about it. FunkyPlaid insists he never told me that he particularly liked this album. Bizarrely, it makes me happy to have misunderstood him in this way; as our time together dwindled that summer, I was so desperate for any crumb of his essence that I was frantically filing — and misfiling, most un-librarian-like — any minor morsel. Decades later, I remain this obsessed with understanding how he sees the world. (He may be embarrassed that I wrote this, but he's a third of the world away and can't stop me.)
🔗 Linking
- Amit's starting a newsletter called Square One with brief introductions to words we hear often that no one explains. I love this concept. Go subscribe!
- bapsi's finishing a journal and starting a new one. I will never get enough of posts like this.
- This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I'm Not a Bad Person — McSweeney's does it again.
2025 Week 16 Notes: Squat, tired, and ready to fight
🗓️ // 14 — 20 April 2025
Our wonderful neighbors are moving away, far away, next week. I'm not coping well with the impending loss of them, especially the three kids who have become our honorary niblings. At their informal goodbye shindig on Sunday, I sat in their living room at the kids' table and, while they drew on Easter eggs, rearranged a yellow wooden box full of acrylic markers so the colors were organized by hue, the swan equivalent of worrying her wings over a pile of nothing she can control. Everything is change, she breathed, as black feathers fell around the soles of her boots.
- 🏢 Some days my job is very straightforward, and other days it's the more nuanced meta-work, like trying to establish better lines of communication between departments, or supporting someone through complex personnel issues. I wish I had the comfort of the feeling that only I can do this job but the reality is that someone else could absolutely do this job. What I bring — and what I can control — is not the expertise in the specific tasks, but how I show up to do them.
- 🥘 My sister-in-law and I have a routine whenever FunkyPlaid is away for a while: We bake a gluten-free dessert and watch a film. This week we tried a Japanese-style cotton cheesecake and watched "Howl's Moving Castle". The cheesecake — which is more of a soufflé texturally — came out of the oven squat, tired, and ready to fight, with none of the fluffy elegance the photos promised. But mascarpone makes up for many shortcomings, so we ate it anyway.
- 🤔 Is it possible to ever feel interesting enough? I don't mean in these pages, which have never pretended to be scintillating, but in person. I tried to talk to other adults at the party, but I don't have kids and I don't have anything to say about grout. Also sometimes I just start talking about late-stage capitalism, and boy howdy does that clear a room.
📸 Photos
When people tell me to bring gluten-free food to a party, I usually end up bringing the fussiest dish I know how to make at the time. Sunday's offering was a roasted butternut squash and onion gratin with quinoa. I don't know what the quinoa added except for unnecessary health.
🗒 Writing
Fully stalled out on all creative fronts, but the journaling is going so well (read: so emo).
📚 Reading
- After prolonging it as long as I could, I had to finish "Gideon the Ninth" by Tamsyn Muir. So good, y'all. I repeat a certain catchphrase (which I will not spoil for you) in my head constantly.
- Next up: "Harrow the Ninth"!
📺 Watching
- I finished watching "The Residence" and I was delighted by the Traveler's Notebook cameo. Murder mysteries are kinda whatever for me, but this one was cute.
- What I hoped you did not notice about earlier is that I had never seen "Howl's Moving Castle" before or in truth any Miyazaki film and please do not cancel me.
🎧 Listening
- I learned about Crucial Tracks this week, which I want to use to rekindle my affection for music, but I also struggle with consistency with these once-daily apps. As soon as I say, "I'm going to do this every day!" another part of my brain says, "O yeah? Watch me not do it even though I really want to! I'll show me!"
- I did manage to post one crucial track: "Level Up" by Vienna Teng.
🔗 Linking
- negative capability is a very useful concept we can credit to keats — Will this become a maya.land fansite eventually? Stick around and find out. (I love her site design and her writing voice.)
- Save America, Adopt a Republican — Dr. Blazak regularly presents at a local conference I've attended and I do my best to catch his sessions because he's smart and he's funny and I appreciate his perspective, even when I don't agree with it.
- I've missed Sam for a long time (or: Pick Your Battles) — I am often mad at how good Keenan's writing is, but like, a good-natured mad, a mad that is at heart a challenge to myself, an "eugh, OK, I need to get better at writing." But this one. I cried when I read it and I cannot bring myself to listen to the audioblog version. Must-read for anyone who has grieved the many layers of a person you once loved, and disliked, and loved.
2025 Week 15 Notes: Sing to your cats
🗓️ // 7 — 13 April 2025
So. The first full week with FunkyPlaid away, and I have to admit that I am both doing my best and not doing great. As an avowed daydreamy introvert, it's always been easy for me to lose myself in the pocket universes of books, movies, music, and television for hours, days at a time. I forget how to talk to beings who aren't my cats, and — who are we kidding — I mostly sing to my cats anyway. They love it. You should sing to your cats, if you don't already.
- 🏢 This was an absolutely bonkers week of work, with multiple big meetings I either had to use all of the brain cells to participate in, or meetings I had to facilitate or co-facilitate. I met friends for lunch on Friday and I don't remember if I said words? In English? Who knows.
- 🥘 I did, however, eat gluten-free fish and chips. They were oily and salty, and made me miss Scotland a whole lot. In an effort to be healthier I made a big batch of curried lentil soup and thought of the person who gave me the recipe. They left the party way too soon. Missing them a whole lot.
- 🤔 Should I learn how to make matcha lattes at home? I love them so very much. Is it difficult? Will the internet teach me how to do it without having to buy one hundred specialized things?
📸 Photos
A friend introduced me to Kelley Point Park today, where we sat on a log in the sunshine and chatted and watched the rivers converge and the dogs go by.
🗒 Writing
Hey, you know that thing where you think too hard about what you're writing and decide everything you've ever written is crap and you shouldn't write anymore and that none of your ideas are original and you'd be better off never writing again? N— no, me neither. 👀
📚 Reading
- Still reading "Gideon the Ninth" by Tamsyn Muir and intentionally reading so slowly to savor it.
📺 Watching
- "Anora" won a bunch of Oscars, so I watched it! It turned into a very different film than the one I started watching. That was good. I liked that. Do more of that, films.
- I watched an episode of "The Residence" while folding laundry and doing other care tasks. It's fun! Also, I hear there's a Traveler's Notebook cameo in one of these episodes.
🎧 Listening
- I asked my new coworker what she's listening to right now, and she answered, correctly, "Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me" by The Cure so I went right out and listened to that whole album again and had a fantastic out of body experience, full-on time-travel back to hearing it the first time as a much younger swan who was feeling Feelings and did not have Words that matched and then this album. So yes.
🔗 Linking
- Is it time to leave the US? A video by Leeja Miller. — Did I enjoy this? No. Did I find it informative and helpful? Yes, very much.
- "I'm Not a Robot" — This short film won an Academy Award and I confirm it should have!
- The rise of end times fascism — The Guardian, once again. Thank you and also oof.
- How Poetry Changes You and Your Brain — Shout-out to S, who sent this my way knowing I would love it.
- Letter: Maine cannot do without its libraries — Better than I said it last week. Thanks, JC.
2025 Week 14 Notes: Show up for libraries
🗓️ // 31 March — 6 April 2025
Today is the first day of National Library Week here in the US. To "celebrate," our federal government gutted the Institute of Museum and Library Services. According to the Wired article, the IMLS annual budget "amounts to less than $1 per person in the US." Are we still pretending that this is about curbing government spending?
I have sounded this alarm many times over the past several years, so many times that you may be tired of hearing me sound it, especially if you don't consider yourself a library user. But even if you don't use your local library, if you live near one, you have benefited from it indirectly. Your local library has strengthened the community you live in by serving your neighbors.
Your neighbors who know how to read? Some of them learned through attending story-times at your library with their caregivers when they were young. Your neighbors who don't have a computer or internet access at home? They're getting online, paying their bills, looking for jobs, and connecting with faraway loved ones at your library. Your neighbors who can't afford to buy books, stream movies and music, or simply prefer the incredible variety of media hand-selected by experts in their field? They're relying on your library to learn and to experience worlds beyond the one they know.
All of us working in libraries right now need you to do more than check out some books. We need you to show up for us. Apply to be on your local library board. Show up to board meetings ready to support library employees. Write letters to the board in support of library services. Go to your city council meeting and give public comment in support of your library. Tell your local decision-makers that public libraries are essential to democracy, because they are.
- 🖥️ I spent way too much time on my computer for work this week.
- 🥘 None of the recipes I made this week were much good except for the slow-cooker chicken ragú with herbed ricotta.
- 🤔 I wasn't surprised to read that many Portland-area residents say they never use government services. Along with not thinking of public libraries as government services, residents don't think of the zoo, the bus, or public parks, either.
📸 Photos
Matchy-matchy pen and notebook time.
🗒 Writing
This week I averaged about 800 words of writing every day, a major achievement with everything else that's going on.
📚 Reading
- Still reading "Gideon the Ninth" by Tamsyn Muir and loving every minute of it.
📺 Watching
- Only one episode of "The White Lotus" to go.
- A friend was horrified to know that I hadn't seen "Scandal" so I started watching. O, what was considered politically scandalous 13 years ago!
🎧 Listening
- I asked the computer to play music to calm me down and I liked the playlist it chose. And then I was very confused when I thought I was hearing a lo-fi chill version of Outkast's "Hey Ya!" I decided I must be hallucinating due to extreme stress. But that's exactly what it was!
🔗 Linking
- Library Link of the Day has been a steadfast library news resource for over twenty years.
- EveryLibrary advocates for libraries in the US.
- I've mentioned Kelly Jensen's "Literary Activism" newsletter before. It's well-written and well-researched.
This month's site updates
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Read these posts and more on cygnoir.net.