Hello! It's another Thursday. The one benefit about sending these out on Thursdays is that it allows me to know what day of the week it is. Considering I almost opened the work laptop last Saturday, knowing what day it is is crucial!

A few weeks ago, writer Anne Helen Petersen asked her instagram followers, essentially "what are you doing regarding buying a new outfit with our post pandemic-during pandemic bodies". I hadn't really thought about it, but I flipped through some of the Insta Stories, where people recommended where to buy new jeans, cute fall boots, and the like. 

I know there have been so many articles about the weight people have gained during the pandemic, but to be honest, I've barely taken note of them. I do this stupid thing of tracking my weight week to week, so I can pretty much tell whenever I fall off the wagon when it comes to eating/working out/the like.

I didn't gain pandemic weight; I gained new job weight. And the worst part is I started a new job last spring, the start of two seasons where I usually live in skirts and dresses, so I hadn't had to think about what I might have to deal with when it came to wearing pants. 

And WOW. Wow am I glad I happened to read some people's recommendations. Because within them, there are also kind souls who talk about learning to love the body you're in and reminding that we've gone through (are going through?? I hate this) a really traumatic event. 

Part of the fear is less of "does anything I wear fit me" but does it fit correctly? Do I need to buy more cute clothes that before might have juuust fit but now are no longer cute but instead I am stuffed in? I've never had the best relationship with my weight (though I was the dumbass who bought an elliptical before the pandemic because I hated the gym), but if anything, I did my best to keep weight off. 

But when I went to try on my old jeans, well, nothing fit. I had to squish myself into a pair of tights for my birthday and despite owning eight billion pairs of tights, only one pair kinda fit. Even the pair of sneakers I had bought so I could chuck my worn out ones were too tight, but that was just because I bought the exact size without account for my feet maybe expanding while walking 50 miles in a week. (Just... don't do that.)

I've never been someone who enjoys clothes shopping, instead pre-buying everything I could. I had a staple set of clothes for Spring and for Fall, which was routinely rotated out when the weather called for it. But in the last almost two years, I, like much of the country, mostly lived in sweatpants and t-shirts, clothes that are incredibly forgiving if you gain weight. Now that I have to leave the house and look cute and people seeing me from the waist down, it is a goddamn chore. Do I go out and buy entirely new outfits? Do I go HAM on the workouts and not eat food so I can go back to my pre-new job weight? Why the fuck was my new job apparently more stressful than a fucking pandemic when it came to stress eating?!

Shout out to the nice women at Madewell, a store I have never shopped in before because honestly, I was a little intimidated. But I went in this time, from recommendations from Anne Helen Petersen's Instagram Stories, and someone immediately clocked that I was lost, and helped me find clothes that not only fit, but looked good which is a rare feat!so I Apparently I've entered the true hellscape where I'm too big to find clothes that are in the stores, but too small for any official plus size categories. Ugh.

There are so many aspects I could dive into here, such as the number on the size being more important to me than the fit (which?? is a dumb thing to do?? when it comes to jeans! Which never fit the fucking same!), but all I can say is if you gained or lost pandemic weight, take a look at your closet. Are you, like me, shoving yourself into clothes just because they had fit and you remember the good times when you wore them? Or have you possibly said "fuck it" and went out to buy new outfits completely?

Or are you like "what in the hell are you talking about, wearing sweatpants? I have not changed my outfit ever." And for you? Must be nice. Except go put on some sweatpants - they're comfy.


Compared to last week where I attempted to read Jack Skellington for filth, this was weirdly more somber. ICK. Let's move onto some recommendations asap.

• If you haven't read R. Eric Thomas's Here For It, well, goddammit, you should. His essay collection is HILARIOUS and one I had listened to it (because of course I'm going to champion the audiobook), I had to dive into his other writings. And recently I discovered this gem where he discusses if Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman 1984 is a good dresser. So like. I did not see Woman Woman 1984 because I heard it was sus but I am down for Chris Pine going through an outfit montage. But the way Thomas describes it... man. I could not stop laughing. 

• ...Look it's been a long week but someone sent me a video of Chris Evans hitting on a woman and getting her number (with his 2011 era phone lmao) and it's weirdly so sweet but also now I kind of understand why people like him?? He's no Chris Pine!! But I ...understand!

• In a turn of events that would've surprised me from a year or so ago but now? Who cares! I think cows are fucking adorable. I follow a cow instagram. Multiples, actually. I FOLLOW COW-FLUENCERS. But I adore the cows on lanahandthemoos because they are so fluffy and sweet and ONE HAS ITS TONGUE STICKING OUT?! This precious baby is so sweet and I wanna squish it even though it could probably crush me. 

That's all I got folks. This was a long and kinda stressful week but I hope you have a lovely weekend.