★ hey y'all,

how are you holding up? october revived me a bit. i'm not a big fan of fall because winter comes next, but i do love halloween and i appreciate that october gets to be spooky the whole way through. i've been busy and in better spirits this month than last, even though the world keeps on churning out awful events. mental health is such a fickle thing. i'll be making donations to walter wallace jr's family as well as philly bail funds in the next couple days and i urge you to do the same if you're able. 

★ zine news

i finished a new mini zine while waiting on notes for my nonbinary zine. it's called "lakes aren't always blue." the title is a lyric from the song last summer by hello shark. this is one of the zines i mentioned working on in my last letter. it's about practicing self compassion when times are tough (in the vein of shit's fucked: a positivity guide, if you're familiar with that lovely zine by gina sarti). they're up on etsy and patreon. if you want one, i'm offering them for free to y'all. just reply with your address!

i'm excited to say that i've finished editing the nonbinary zine based on the feedback i've been given by nonbinary folks and parents alike (thank you to those of you reading!). i think i'm changing the title to something shorter and more straight forward as well. i don't feel very close to the finish line though, because now i have the monumental task of teaching myself how to use indesign so that i can lay it out. i usually do layout in a photoshop template i created, but this zine is far too big and text heavy for that system. i still have a feeling it's going to be too dense for me to print at home, but only layout will tell. if it does end up as big as i think it's gonna be, i plan to make a redux version that i can easily produce while i figure out how to print the book version!

★ some new art & commissions

here's a freebie do diy poster i made this month! i'm going to be offering a very small amount of prints because it takes up a ton of toner. besides the nonbinary zine, the other big thing on my plate right now is a shop restock. i'm trying to get ready for the holiday season. there's a couple new things in my etsy shop (5x7 moth and beetle prints, "i'm rooting for you" plant propagation cards) and i'm working on putting together some zine and sticker bundles. i wanna make a snail mail bundle too; with stationery, a few fancy envelopes, pen pal mini zines and paper stickers. i'm also trying to solicit a handful of drawing commissions before the holiday rush hits. drawing has been kind to my soul lately.

★relatable content

a ton of excellent music has come out recently. if you want to have a lot of feelings, the microphones in 2020 made a huge impression on me. it feels very relatable in the midst of this collective trauma we're going through. adrianne lenker just released not one but two new albums, songs & instrumentals. i've had songs on repeat a fair amount. my favorite little tape label, bud tapes, has been very busy too (silo by smiling strange is my favorite of their recent releases). did i mention i love music recommendations?

this atlantic article, what if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life? was a breath of fresh air. here's a quote:

"John Carroll, who met his platonic partner, Joe Rivera, at a gay bar, describes this type of romantic relationship as “one-stop shopping.” People expect to pile emotional support, sexual satisfaction, shared hobbies, intellectual stimulation, and harmonious co-parenting all into the same cart. Carroll, 52, thinks this is an impossible ask; experts share his concern. “When we channel all our intimate needs into one person,” the psychotherapist Esther Perel writes, “we actually stand to make the relationship more vulnerable.” Such totalizing expectations for romantic relationships leave us with no shock absorber if a partner falls short in even one area. These expectations also stifle our imagination for how other people might fill essential roles such as cohabitant, caregiver, or confidant."

the notion of "one-stop shopping" instantly reminded me of dean spade's essay, "for lovers and fighters," which opened me up to the idea of polyamory and platonic intimacy when i was 22. there are so many ideas in this atlantic article that i love: prioritizing friendships, friendships functioning as significant life relationships alongside or in place of romantic partnerships, not expecting romantic relationships to check every single box and having that not be a deal breaker because you can fill that need elsewhere, etc! love isn't a scarce commodity and there are so many possibilities for fulfilling relationships when you throw out the conventional blueprint for finding "the one."

last but not least, when i need a good laugh i've been picking and choosing episodes of the "good one" podcast that feature comedians i like. in the podcast, the host picks one of the comedian's jokes and they tease it apart together. there are episodes featuring john mulaney, maria bamford, patton oswalt, jenny slate and more.

★ fucking hooray

my nesting partner kyle and i celebrated our 7 year anniversary early this month. the weather didn't favor our hiking plans, so we watched movies and ate our favorite foods. october was monumental in terms of socializing for me, and by that i mean i spent time with two separate people (a pandemic first). there was pumpkin carving and a hike through the evergreen woods, both were incredibly emotionally nourishing (hello to the both of you, i am grateful for you!).

i have a new morning practice. no scrolling. i draw, read, play music or journal for the duration of my morning decaf coffee. i fell into this routine naturally, and it's been really good for me in terms of easing into my workday.

i hope that y'all are finding joy where you can, or at least being gentle with yourselves.

love, alyssa

~ past perzine newsletters ~