✷greetings ✷

hey y'all, i don't have a particularly insightful greeting this month, but i hope you're all doing okay. 

✷oops, burnout ✷

i didn't take my own advice last month when i identified that i was on a crash course with burnout. i ended up having a panic attack a couple weeks ago and i've been trying to take it easy since then. not ideal, but i learned some hard lessons and sufficiently dealt with the shame of having to bow out of projects/miss out on some other projects. i'm an overfunctioner, and i want to say yes to everything, but that tendency is rooted in false scarcity. sometimes saying no to some things makes space to say yes to things that i'm really excited about. i'm working on evaluating how to tell the difference in the moment. i'm also working on not working at every available opportunity. last time i reached the burnout threshold, i had a day job i could bullshit my way through and then come home and watch tv. now i'm treating etsy as my day job, and trying to only do high priority stuff. i'm not taking on any new commissions for the moment, and i'm trying to take a walk every day and pay attention to my body (which has always been complicated for me).

if you have any tv or movie recommendations, send 'em my way. my favorite shows in the recent past have been the good place, dirk gently holistic detective, santa clarita diet, and dead to me. i've watched bob's burgers and what we do in the shadows (movie and show) into the ground.

✷ zine news ✷

2nd edition copies of best show ever: a celebration of live diy music are now available in my etsy shop (i have new howdy frog stickers in there too).

i made a new mini zine about burnout on a whim that i haven't done anything with yet, i wanna rework it. i'm working on that and wanderer 7, little by little.

i've officially sold over 200 copies of the nonbinary zine, which is very heartening.

a huge thank you to all of my patrons for pushing me well over my first financial goal! i have a few ideas for the next special goodies i'll be offering just for y'all.

✷ music (but not from me) ✷

i've been listening to our savior cheekface's new single, "we need a bigger dumpster," as well as ther's new single, "swimming" a bunch this month. i've also delighted in jeff rosenstock releasing "ska dream," a complete ska retooling of his album "no dream." both albums are excellent, and i don't even really like ska! amelia cry til i die has also been in heavy rotation over here.

here's some gems from the vault! listening to my mp3s on shuffle continues to be fruitful. i found the audio from this video i captured when i was 18, and it reminded me how much the song "phat camp" (second one in the video) helped me accept my body at that age. i called on my diy friends to source more songs, and learned dave goes by maeve now and uses she/her pronouns (unfortunately i don't think she makes music anymore, and the two albums she made all those years ago aren't really on the internet).

i've been listening to a lot of paul baribeau as well, especially last time.

if i love you, i miss you
cuz i probably haven't seen you in a long, long time
just don't let it be the last time
you come into my life
no don't let it be the last time
you come into my life

✷ fucking hooray ✷

my very big hooray is that i got my second vaccine this week! it totally wrecked me for a few days but it was worth it. i'm doing in-person therapy again, using emdr to work on the anxieties i've let fester while being mostly locked down the past year. some of you may know i have ptsd from a car accident that broke both my legs and one of my arms when i was 19. i had a breaktrhough prior to the pandemic where i drove on the highway for the first time in 5 years. i'm hoping i can ramp up to highway driving again in 2021 (and then work on flying alone, something i've never done before).

besides therapy, i'm excited about all the plants that are waking up. i've excitedly discovered 5 sunflowers and 4 lupines (that i definitely did not plant) popping up around the yard. i have lil baby zinnia sprouts coming up, as well as purple poppies and love in a mist. the vegetable gardening is going a little slower, but my strawberries are flowering and we have radishes and peas doing their thing. my whole neighborhood smells like lilacs and the sidewalks are littered with cherry blossom petals. i'm trying to remember how lovely all of this is as i grapple with some fun new health issues this month! spring is my favorite and i'm trying my best to savor it.

love, alyssa

~ past perzine newsletters ~