I started seeing my partner Travis in May 2012 but had kept him under wraps from my friends and family because, at the time, I wasn't out in any official capacity. I wasn't deeply closeted either, don’t get the wrong idea. But the idea that I would ever need to come out felt silly because my brain told me I was going to die alone. Why bother going through all that trouble? Then Travis entered the picture and I was forced to rethink everything. After a year and a half of growing to love him very much; it was time to do what had to be done.

Travis knew I wasn't out when we first started dating. Prior to our getting together I'd concocted a reality in my head where I was cursed goods. An unlovable sham that did not deserve happiness. Fun! But he didn't see me in that light, which was weird. He also didn't push me out of a moving car when I told him I wasn't out. Of course this made me suspicious. He told me he thought I should come out when I was ready and that I should do it in my own time and no one else's. A man who exhibits patience and kindness? Someone hand me the vapors! That little bit of understanding broke my brain (in a good way) and reset my expectations. I'd always figured a guy who came out in college would feel like he was going backward being with me. But my not being out hadn't scared him off the way I assumed it would. This allowed me to take a step back, breathe, and do some work to find answers for why I'd developed such a poor self-image. The culprit, in turns out, was childhood trauma. Who knew! I won’t get into details but in the end I came to the conclusion that if Travis saw something in me worth valuing then I suppose I could too. His only request was that I didn't decide I was straight when I turned 40 and leave him to settle down with a woman. This was very easy request to accommodate. We continued to get to know one another and eventually got serious about being together for the long haul.

After a year or so of not letting the people I love know there was someone special in my life, it was time to do the thing. And it just so happened that the August 2013 death of my grandma brought the perfect opportunity to drop my big news! That sounds morbid but losing my grandma was a relief for my family in many ways. I figured this would be a nice page-turn, you know? I made a plan to come out to my folks while in Ohio for my grandma's funeral. One night during my visit I drove around by myself formulating the wording. Little test-runs. Baby improvs. "You know my FRIEND Travis I've told you about? Well he's actually my GAY LOVER!" That sounded too much like a Jerry Springer chyron but I workshopped a few different things. Sadly, when I got back to my parents' house I had a major panic moment and aborted the mission. Which in turn made me feel like a failure. Then, returning to NYC, I had a total breakdown telling Travis about the situation. He had no idea I'd planned to do any of this and reminded me that it was okay to take my time. He wasn't going anywhere. This guy! So when Christmas rolled around it was time for me to get my shit together once and for all.

One of the many things I appreciate about my family is that they could give or take holiday traditions. We liked them. We participated in them. But we were not owned by them the way other families were. When I was a kid I never understood melting down when something didn’t go exactly how they planned on Christmas. Oh no! The taters got burnt? Suck it up! You have a fridge full of food, crybaby! Aww, it didn’t snow on Christmas day? Well weather systems aren’t wish-based, Billy. Be adaptable! My family, however, rolled with the punches and I appreciated that. Nothing was so set in stone which freed us to upend tradition, oftentimes to accommodate our own comfort. This was the case on Christmas Eve.

After spending time mingling with friends at our old neighbor’s house, my folks and returned home a little restless. My mom, usually a stickler for the “we open one present on Christmas Eve and that’s it” life, suggested we do Christmas morning before bed so we didn’t have to wake up early the next day. This messed with my reveal timeline but actually made the situation easier. There was no place to go. Nowhere to hide. Everyone was tired- the perfect time to strike! Around midnight, surrounded by crumpled up wrapping paper, I told my parents that I was gay and Travis was my boyfriend. I explained to them that events from my youth, things they never knew about, caused me to think of myself as broken but Travis' love showed me that I wasn't. I told my parents their love and support had always meant the world to me and I assured them there was nothing they could have done differently. Things happened at the hand of my peers that I never really dealt with but I’d been doing a lot of work on myself and was in a better place. This was the final step in a new direction. My mom's mouth quivered and she began to cry tears of joy. "All we want is for you to be happy," she said, smiling. My dad cried too. I was already teary but their tears opened my flood gates. We are emotional people! My parents told me they loved me and were excited for me. There was so much relief in their expressions. My dad also made a comment about knowing I wasn’t going to be a football star which was funny and in character. A weight had lifted from all our shoulders. I never doubted that they would embrace this part of me but I’d heard enough coming out stories to know people can surprise you. Now my parents were over the moon knowing their boy was happy. I got to share a new part of my life with the two people who always represented an incredible example of partnership. All the lessons I learned from their love; I could apply to mine. And then we went to bed.

The next morning, while my mom flipped through the paper, I told her questions might come up and if she needed to ask them, go right ahead. "I don't have any questions, Brandon,” she said, grinning. Not in a Joker-y way but in a way that both recognized history and moved beyond it. She was comfortable. My dad was comfortable. It was as if this is the way things have always been. When they eventually met Travis they showered him with love which was beautiful to watch. He was their son now too. Though their vibe did have a tinge of “thank you for taking him off our hands” which I completely understand and respect.

In the ten years since, Travis has actually supplanted me in my parents’ world due to his knowledge of AV equipment and my lack thereof. His recent reconfiguration of their Alexa devices has changed their world in ways you cannot understand. Watching all the people I love, love each other is one of the greatest gifts I could ever imagine receiving. Even if it did take 36 years to unwrap.