The first time I realized everyone had surrendered to Facebook was on February 28th, 2017. It wasn't a shocking revelation (I've observed human behavior for a while now) but it definitely felt like a bad omen. Allow me to explain. When I first joined Mark Zuckerberg's website, one he created as a means to have sex with girls at his college, I made a point not to list my birthday. I didn't need to. Facebook was a fun place where I connected with old friends, fans of my work, and people I drunkenly met at Halloween parties in the early aughts. My closest friends knew my birthdate and that's all that mattered. Did I really need sparkly celebratory gifs and energetic greetings from someone I sat next to on a Megabus one time? No. But then my 40th birthday came and went. Only two friends texted me. It was honestly shocking. Did people not lock birthdays into a calendar anymore?! Could it be that within the span of just a few years people had centralized all information and communication into one flawed location, never thinking of the broader implications of their actions? YES. Of course they did. It's humanity's signature move. Look around you.

It was genuinely embarrassing to feel so jilted but that didn't stop me from adding my birthday the following year. Wouldn't you know it, my wall was flooded with greetings from my old teachers, a guy I hooked up with a once and, of course, total strangers. And I liked it. Sue me. But it also made me realize the power Facebook had over people, especially people of a certain age, who gleefully handed over their identity for the internet to consume. I don't want to seem insensitive. Connecting to others is good but let's be honest, Facebook requires no effort. It can require effort if you’re trying to build a career or gain a following for whatever reason but it’s not the same as friendship. Friendship requires effort. It requires time and energy. It requires depth and connection. That’s why it means so much. When “friendship” is reduced to simple, online interactions, consider that it might not actually be friendship anymore. It might be something else.

Another thing about Facebook birthdays that bears mentioning is the total mindlessness behind it. People clicking on the little list in the corner of their screen, going down, one by one, delivering the same greeting, over and over again, never checking to see if the person is actually still alive. I’ve seen so many dead people receive “Hope it’s the best birthday ever!” and “Hope you’re doing something special tonight to celebrate!” wishes over the past handful of years. If that’s not mindless, I don’t know what is.

The reasons I’ve heard people use to describe why Facebook is their one stop shop aren’t all bad. Knowing your loved ones are safe from cataclysm is a positive. Facebook as a tool has been useful but Meta absolutely does not care about your health, safety or well-being. That is super clear. They want you addicted to garbage. They want your aunt to snuggle up with her iPad commenting “Beautiful” on overly-pixelated photos of bald eagles wrapped in American flags standing next to a poorly rendered Jesus saying “Fredom & Librety”. Their algorithm isn’t designed to nourish your intellect. It’s designed to feed you junk and track you. Facebook wants all your attention. It's part of their business plan. They want you straight-up addicted, scrolling through Reels constantly and, based on the data, their plan is working. Not only that but if you’ve ever had your account hacked (thank god for two-factor authentication) you know they won’t do much to help you get your account back. Recently a buddy of mine from college was transformed into an Asian business woman who posts pics of steaming cups of coffee with inspirational phrases on them. He had no idea. I called the hacker out for their hijacking and was immediately blocked. It begs the questions- Why do this? Who is this for? I have no clue. But it brings us to the current moment.

In the past few weeks Mark Zuckerberg and Meta have made all kinds of nasty announcements and proclamations as they completely capitulate to Trump’s every want and need like a drooling supplicant. Meta is getting rid of fact-checkers. Misinformation is bad now but it’s poised to explode. When they’re not creating fake AI Profiles of Black Women, Meta is welcoming dehumanizing speech against LGBTQ+ people and immigrants while fully surrendering to Nazis with one former employee going so far as to say the new policies are a “precursor to genocide.”All because Mark Zuckerberg has no style or cleverness and is miffed people make fun of his blatant attempts to seem cool despite being deeply uncool. Just remember, Facebook video was supposed to be the next big thing. It failed. The Metaverse was going to change the world. It didn’t. These aren’t innovations that add to the human experience in measurable, positive ways. These are avenues for an increasingly obsolete company to grift people into believing they have value.

Zuckerberg went on Joe Rogan’s podcast to talk about a lack of “masculine energy” in the workplace while calling for "repopulation" of "cultural elite class". [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER] The obsession that middling men have with surface expressions masculinity will be the downfall of society. Jezebel said it best. Greedy men devoid of true character who could change the world with their money instead choose to promote cruelty and inhumanity all in deference to a grifter president they want to curry favor with. I agree with Rebecca Shaw on this one. Zuckerberg needs Trump so badly he’s throwing him a party. Rest assured Zuckerberg, Musk, Trump and any small men of their ilk…do not care about anything but themselves. Kelsey Hightower said, “What’s the point of being rich if you can’t afford to do the right thing?” which makes perfect sense to anyone trying to live right. So what do we do? I’m so glad you asked.

We have to hit them where there money is. We have to abandon the places that feed their pockets and leave them as sad and vacant as an American mall. That’s what the moment requires of us. And what will happen when we execute this mission?

We’ll thrive.

Have you ever heard someone tell a nightmare story of how they lost touch with reality when they left social media behind? Of course not. Because no one is wandering along the Westside Highway, shoe-less, asking for AI memes of a six-fingered baby playing with a puppy. We lived without all this shit for a very long time! Relax. You'll still be able to see pics of your niece's birthday party. Look, we've had enough time to weigh the positives and negatives and guess what? Turns out the negatives are that Facebook was fun for a while but then it turned society’s brains to mush and helped elect a fascist. Now we have give up something in order to turn the tide. Doesn’t have to be cold turkey either. Removing yourself from Facebook or any social media platform can be a process like anything else. It simply requires you to act with intention. Make a plan. Start limiting your time online. If there are people you don't want to lose touch with, get their information and engage with them directly. Like the old days. Write a letter! You probably need to work on your cursive anyway. Your relationships will be richer when you don't have to work through a third party. Ultimately, I suspect you'll be surprised to find it's so much easier to leave behind than you thought. Just give yourself the grace to make it work. There are online resources out there to access. Don’t be afraid to use them. You can do this! We can all do this.

It's no surprise that, as I write this appeal to you, I'm also writing it to myself. As someone with books to sell, social media plays a role in my career. It's not the driving force, thank god, but I do have to maintain a presence. I'm imperfect at using social media though I try to share insightful commentary and perspective when I'm not raging at the state of things or sharing a book cover. My outlook over the years has been to participate on my terms, to produce content when moved and not because a trend demands it. As a gay man, I’ve been harassed and threatened online for simply existing. When I tell people this they’re often taken aback but it’s always been like that. LGBTQ+ people receive vast amounts of hate but we power through.

When I lost my mom in October of last year, Facebook was essential in spreading the word and connecting with loved ones. At the same time it made me realize how beholden I've become to an app that explicitly wants me addicted to it and is now willing to let bottom feeders harass me forever. That's not what I want. I want real connections. I want real engagement. I want reality. Something has shifted in my brain since then. It's allowed me to let go of so many things that don't serve me. Slowly but surely.

Meta is anti-media literacy. That should frighten you. It was already a sewer of misinformation but now without any protections it’s going to devolve at a rapid pace. In the past week I’ve been served ads on Instagram for a Trump Train Set and “religious liberty” despite my algorithm having never gotten close to anything like that. And it’ll only get worse.

If we want to have a better society, we have to choke out Meta and heave it's weighted corpse into the sea. The richest men in the world have capitulated to a fascist baby. People with hundreds of billions of dollars, enough to lift everyone from poverty and still be billionaires, only care about themselves at the expense of the populace.

We're on our own. It’s time to rethink everything.