Your job is not stupid

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UNCOMMON ADVERTISING FOR THE COMMON GOOD

PEOPLE LIKE US.

Last week and this week’s Monday Monday are dedicated to every artist who makes their work, who shows up. In a season of keep going don’t stop you are so not alone, look at everyone else alongside you here and gone. Happy belated Corita Day.

I am listening to Angel Baby by Troy Sivan which features one of the most homosexual music videos I have ever seen. I love Troy’s job. I love Diane Sawyer’s job, I love the barista I am looking at’s job, I love Oprah’s job, I love every job my friends do, I love Jackie’s job, I love Cindy’s job and Katie’s job and Brandi’s job and Justin Bieber’s job.

“And I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on” - Justin Bieber

Most importantly, I love my job. And yesterday I decided I hated my job. Or rather, I decided other people think my job is stupid and my job is not as important as the many jobs that are more important and my job is a joke and the internet isn’t real and maybe I should stop doing my job.

This generally happens to me after an up-leveling in my job. I get a raise I feel like I don’t deserve, a book deal, a new agent, a nice article about my dancing comes out, new newsletter subscribers pour in. I had a huge win on Sunday in that twice as many people signed up for Newsletter Class than … any other class I have ever taught. Teaching online since 2017 the number has barely budged. My prices have gone up and my offerings have gotten better, a success marker! I have gotten better at teaching and my job - yes! But the number hasn’t budged.

Newsletter Class was not only successful in the amount of people who signed up but from the amount of people who shared on social media, commented in the chat, or emailed me after - it changed a lot of people’s lives. Facts! Facts god gives me I simply cannot argue with.

As an extroverted person who loves nothing more than playing host to 133 people in a zoom room, I forget to protect my energy. It makes me have an adrenaline rush while I teach and afterwards I feel so good about how energized everyone was following class. The next day I completely crashed. I couldn’t write my own newsletter, the inner critic was like : wow you really just made a bunch of money telling people to write a fucking email. COOL must be nice to not even know how to have a real job LOL you piece of shit UR NOT EVEN A REAL ARTIST YOU ARE THE POOR MAN’S JULIA CAMERON GO FUCK YOURSELF HAHAHAHAH

I don’t kick the inner critic / asshole / Roger (if you know you know) into the trunk. I have to sit his ass in the passenger seat tell him to buckle up and come along but we are not going to STOP MAKING ART.

I was telling Jackie yesterday the irony I was gifted in this lifetime that my whole job, my work in this world, is to help other artists believe in themselves. To keep going even when they don’t want to. To know creativity does not have to be linked to capitalism to make it worthy. I am a dancer with a BFA in Dance, featured in the NYT, Dance Magazine, Vanity Fair - I make almost 0% of my income from dancing. But I do know that dancing informs every single thing I do though. This is the spiral I remind other people of. So when I forget it myself it stings in a particular way. Self forgiveness sneaks out the window and I can’t see through the fog.

I am currently working through Finding Water : The Art of Perseverance with Stevie (thank you Alex Elle for mailing it to me without me even mentioning it) and currently reading about BELIEVING MIRRORS in week three. My list grows long, what a gift to have so many believing mirrors. Newsletter Class was filled with so many of mine I knew I had done something right. It’s often the only thing that brings me back. I can do all my silly little tasks, pray to god to relieve me from the bondage of self, ask the Earth to support me, and still the inner critic destroys everything good.

Yesterday I talked to two of my believing mirrors and quickly realized I don’t need my believing mirrors to actually think my job is cool. I need them to believe in me and my work, my art, I need them to believe in me believing in myself.

I believe in Camila Cabello’s job can you imagine if she was just like wow singing this really catchy pop song that makes people feel great about themselves is just fucking stupid because it isn’t passing a bill in congress.

How would I feel good without pop music? I don’t even want to know. I would seek a lot more outside validation from this hot girl sitting three tables away who no matter how I flip my hair hasn’t looked up. So I turn towards Camila which turns me back toward myself which turns me back to my newsletter.

(For the record I would like to say being distracted by hot girls at coffee shops is not a bad thing I just want to finish this newsletter on time)

If Troy and Camila didn’t do their jobs which I imagine many people think is a stupid job (being an iconic pop star) I would not be able to access my own job.

My own job of : empowering other people to do and love their jobs. The gift of being able to invent a job is that it proves everything wrong about the system that says we have to stay small and not be in our bigness. Sarah Gottesdiener talks a lot about how earning as queer people, BIPOC, trans people, basically anyone who is not a cis white man, is the one of the most radical things we can do.

I don’t have to like something to show up to the habit of doing it. I haven’t written 1111 words a day for … at least 6 days. Because I haven’t wanted to / haven’t made the time for it. I won’t edit this newsletter. I didn’t write this newsletter yesterday. When I show up, in discomfort, in self doubt, asking for help along the way, I come back to myself. Not always my whole self. But enough of a sliver that it is worth it to keep going.

Keep creating containers of optimism, even when you don’t feel worthy of it. You are! You are! We are! Keep doing your job. Even on the days you think it’s stupid, especially on the days you think it’s stupid.

It is true. JANUARY QUILT CLASS REGISTRATION opens today at 10am PST / 11am MT / 12pm CT / 1pm EST : over 220 people on the waitlist so you should get on it right now and if you click the link after those times it will LINK YOU TO THE CHECKOUT PAGE. Don’t know what A Quilt is Something Human even is?!

READ ABOUT IT HERE

Camila Cabello : Never Be The Same
Troy Sivan’s music video for Angel Baby
We Should All Know Less About Each Other (NYT Opinion)
RESIDENTS OF WASHINGTON STATE : My long time brilliant bestie and queer icon Megan Touhey, LICSW is taking NEW THERAPY CLIENTS - use the zoom room to transform yourself from the inside out with Megan’s guidance. Megan was the first person I met in my dorm hallway filled with sorority girls at the University of Michigan at 18 years old and quickly helped me not go to bible study, do a kegstand, and make out with girls. NOW SHE IS A 33 YEAR OLD ADULT who can help you discover the scary parts of yourself and guide you to greater wisdom. I mean I guess that is the same thing she did for me at 18 SHE HAS BEEN AT IT SINCE 1988 IF WE ARE HONEST! SHE’S YOUR NEW THERAPIST I JUST KNOW IT!
A QUILT IS SOMETHING HUMAN ALUMNI Melissa and Gavin are doing a beautiful raffle for The Muscogee Stomp Dance
Newsletter Class replay is here if you are SIMPLY READY to dive in. Worksheets! Slideshows! Community chat visions WOW! ALL FOR $43 LET IS CHANGE YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT
An honor to make it onto Kate Bingaman-Burt’s Daily Purchase Drawings
Texting Molly for important morning newsletter inspiration and immediately watching her Human music video and watching her hands move. Find your Believing Mirrors and make sure you text them
Sitting at Huckleberry and happy to report there is a community fridge here! Check out the whole map here if you are Denver and in need of food or resourced to give food!
NYC bless yourself this evening with Jeff Cheung’s show at Jack Hanley Gallery from 6-8pm EST