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I love planning, visioning, dreaming, and mapping out what my hopes for the future are. I love to tape my lists to the wall, find clarity on what I am devoted to, and guide other people through the process of finding themselves through the practice of improvising and art making.
I also currently give almost no shits about planning and in the last week everyone has a new template, class, or video on how to reflect or map out the coming year. Beautiful rituals! STUNNING pdfs! Don’t get me wrong most days of the year I want to soak it up but today I want to run and hide under the weighted blanket.
I don’t want to reflect on this year. I don’t want to plan my big dreams for next year. I don’t want to think about how special certain moments were or how somedays actually almost killed me.
I’d really like to just have today. I want to just be in today, pay attention to today, and have fun today.
Perhaps this is an extension of last week’s Talking About Living. I don’t have much interest in talking about how I lived this year. In part because it didn’t work that great and because I am not in need of any awareness or reflection exercises. I have overly reflected, over analyzed, and over processed my every waking moment.
I need less reflection, less analysis, less inventory of what happened on a large scale. I want to be zoomed in to : what have I done today that made sense? What have I done today that isn’t making sense? And how can I pivot?
I want to keep things simple. I want to expand my capacity for discomfort and uncertainty. I want to relish in not knowing and adventure through distress. I want to plan when planning makes sense, not because the calendar is about to change. I want to dream when I am dreaming, make amends while they happen, and walk in the sunlight of the spirit.
I want to not touch the radio dial when we are listening to Taylor Swift in the car to process and review what is happening as it’s happening. I want to keep my hands in my lap and float through the despair of anxiety, knowing on the other side my self esteem is intact and so is SLAMMING SCREEN DOOR as it blasts through the speakers.
I want to live one day at a time in such an impeccable way that each day is a miracle instead of an obstacle course of control and managing.
I want to stay rooted in the simplicity of my recovery, bring my words to the right people, and be grounded in service while my head floats above the clouds.
I don’t want to plan and I don’t want to review. I want to vision on my own timeline that exists outside of capitalism and generator expectations.
I want to create a harmonious environment for love and serenity in my home, intimacy as a swirl of magic, not a reward of the next right thing.
I trust that I will want to plan and vision again, and in the last days of the calendar year it’s ok that that time is not now for me. It’s ok to just want to make it to the end and glide to the other side.
May you not be swept in the expectations to “end of year” anything. May you follow your internal and seasonal clock.
I want to trust that in the great unknown is everything we could ever plan or dream of : we just have to open our eyes and answer the daily call.
Desert Hearts : highly recommend for the gay love story and also if you love the desert and ranches and one liners that pack a punch
Speaking of no planning : join the next group raffle quilt, emails to join go out next week - sign up here
Needing to Know For Sure : I listened to this book this week and it is changing my life - for anyone who seeks compulsive reassurance that widdles away at your self esteem : HIGHLY recommend
Mary Magdalene Revealed : I have been reading every night before bed and it is so beautiful and wow, more soon but for now : wow
January Quilt Class is sold out : join waitlist for 2022 classes
My Sobriety Isn't A Trend Or A Monthly Challenge : How to celebrate Dry January while being mindful of sober people in recovery, like me By Tawny Lara in Huff Post
I obliterated my brain on a lot of apps this week searching to see if my self worth was in there and am happy to report my findings to the group : apps have a few hot people and great information but apps don’t have god or self esteem, you have to go outside for that
I extended the 25% off sale on class replays through Jan 1
Take 25% off all of the replays to my classes! CULTIVATING CREATIVE ATTENTION, FROM DISCIPLINE TO DEVOTION, NEWSLETTER CLASS, and THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR ONLINE CLASS Use code venus25 at checkout
A portion of paid subscriptions this month goes to RHD Morris Home
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