Will I Be The Only Fat Queer At Pilates?
Yes Yes Advice Column
Welcome to the Yes Yes Advice Column for paid subscribers of the Monday Monday newsletter. I write to you from the darkness of the early morning hours where I am my brightest most quick witted self, sifting through my spreadsheet of questions. Today’s is very tender and about Pilates, my current favorite thing to talk about. Before we jump in I have a few things to share.
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If you have a question for the next Yes Yes Advice Column you can ask it here.
I am not a therapist and I have no training in advice giving. I am an artist, a writer, and a teacher of creative practice with a devotion to how we live. These are my opinions, my best shot at hope, and what I know from 37 years on the planet. As always, may you hold a gentle spirit while reading, take what you like, and leave the rest. Let’s dive in!
Hi Cody, I've been wanting to try out Pilates for a long time, and have taken lots of Pilates-adjacent classes in the past, but I'm nervous about going into a space that has traditionally centered thinness and straightness. Do you have any advice, tips, or resources on how to find a queer and fat-friendly Pilates studio or class near me? Thank you!
Dear reader,
Before I share more, I want to offer you a free gift: a guided Pilates warm-up I created for anyone who’s curious about Pilates but unsure where to begin. It’s gentle, simple, and designed with queer, trans, and fat folks in mind. You can get it [here]—it’s my way of saying welcome. You are not the first person to ask me - Will I be the only fat queer at Pilates? This rings true in our hearts, and we must address it!
I will do my best to talk through my own experience of Pilates and where it all began, what I have noticed, who I have found to be profundly helpful teachers in the lineage and in the current field, and how I cultivate a solo practice.
I’ll start by saying what I believe Pilates to be, which is not a get skinny and get fit quick trick. It is a system of movement that emphasizes breath, core strength, posture, and mobility—especially of the spine. It was originally developed as a rehabilitative practice, and at its best, it offers a supportive way to move with more awareness and less pain, regardless of body type, age, or experience level. For me, it has been a doorway to less inflamation and daily discomfort, a pathway to more freedom.
I first encountered Pilates as a teenager at a summer dance program. My modern dance teacher—a long-haired hippie woman—introduced us to mat work, and I remember thinking, this is so weird and so cool. It was completely outside the structure of the classical ballet training I was used to. The movements challenged my core in a way I hadn’t experienced before, and I remember both loving it and hating it—feelings I still have about Pilates on certain days. I crave it deeply, and I also roll my eyes at how hard it can be.
After high school, Pilates showed up here and there during college while I was earning my BFA in Dance, but it never fully took hold. For the next 15+ years, it stayed mostly on the edges of my awareness. Like many people, I saw Pilates as something reserved for rich, skinny, straight, cis, ripped white women—and aside from being white, I didn’t see myself in that image. I didn’t relate to the idea of being a “Pilates girl.”
Last year, when my chronic pain and fatigue were at their worst, I came across a five-week online mat series taught by a dancer I followed online—someone whose work I admired and who I shared mutual friends with - Jessie Young. Jessie and I share a dance lineage and style, her vibe matched mine, her body looked more like mine, her pace felt more like mine, and she made damn good canva flyers for her Pilates mat series. The price was right, I was in.
Taking her classes changed me. It felt like my spine was getting a massage from the inside out, like I was healing my own body. After the series I started working 1:1 with Jessie every week and thats when she encouraged me to go into my own training.
Around this time is when I discovered Sofia Engelman of Queer Body Pilates - who I cannot recommend enough for classes, 1:1 training, coaching, workshops, and more. I truly feel that Sofia has changed the landscape of Pilates, the conversations that are being had about trans and queer bodies, language around consent, and more.
Between Sofia and Jessie I have found so many other amazing teachers that I don’t necessarily take class from but whose work I study, witness, and learn from the way they speak about Pilates.
Now, to answer your question more directly—yes, both Sofia and Jessie sometimes teach online series, and both offer incredibly safe and affirming spaces for fat and queer bodies. If you're looking for a local studio, I recommend doing a little research. What kinds of bodies are featured on their website or social media? What kind of language do they use? You can also just call and ask. I’ve often reached out before signing up to say something like, “Hey, is this a queer-friendly space?” or “I use they/them pronouns—will that be respected in class?” The responses you get are usually very telling.
Other teachers I love to follow along with for videos and classes online :
→ Linds of Fat Body Pilates has an amazing workshop coming up on August 29 about size inclusive Pilates!
→ DJ Rock / The Trans Fitness Bitch
→ Pilates dot com has an amazing lineage documentary series - and I love the mini doc on Kathy Grant who was a first generation Pilates teacher after Joseph Pilates
→ Return to Life : Joseph Pilates originally called his method Contrology, and sometimes what roots me most in the practice is returning to his own words. They're surprisingly poetic—and notably, they say nothing about being skinny, toned, or having a bikini body.
It’s unfortunate that Pilates is so often associated with hostile wellness culture, when at its root, it’s something much deeper and more generous than that. In some ways, showing up in those “normie” environments feels like part of my role—to take up space and say: I don’t have a six-pack, I’m not wearing matching leggings, I’m gay and non-binary, and I belong here. I’m strong, and I deserve to be in the room. And still, it’s hard. Being misgendered, feeling othered, or like you don’t quite fit—it can be exhausting. But for me, reclaiming space in these settings is part of reshaping what Pilates can be.
So much of fitness is rooted in shame and dominance, and I truly feel like we are in a time where Pilates is an entry point for reclaiming movement as care, curiosity, and a location of queerness. We are untangling the map we were given that wellness is glossy and skinny and aspirational. Pilates is about progression, but it isn’t about the speed in which that progression goes. It is about the steadiness. It is about the practice of staying with ourselves through that progression. Through the trembling of the bones.
It is not about the changing of the body, but about the great return.
In cultivating a solo practice I decided to start a mini accountability project where I do my best to do Pilates every day and film it, similar to how I once did Personal Practice. This project is called Public Access Pilates.
I don’t yet know how Pilates fits into my work, or if it ever will. What I do know is that I’ve been called to study it with a depth and discipline that surprises me—and I’m choosing to trust that.
Also dear reader, since I don’t know where you live - if you want to email directly (not just the question asker, any of you!) I am happy to help you research where a safe studio is where you live to try it out! Lets find it together.
It’s my deep hope that more and more people gain access to Pilates as a form of movement and reconnection to their bodies. The practice has truly transformed how I breathe, how I move, and how I return to myself—again and again.
If you’re looking for support as you begin or deepen your Pilates practice, I’d love to hear from you. I’m always happy to help you find your way in.
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