Oct. 17, 2022, 11:14 a.m.
THE MIRACLE OF HAPPINESS
When god and friendship are all that's left
Monday Monday
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Years of therapy, commitment to my sobriety, working out, walking, praying, finding the right meds, getting outside - the formula for finding my happiness has been endless. But in many ways I think it is to be most attributed to my Believing Mirrors, a concept Julia Cameron uses to name the people in our lives who reflect our potent god given creativity back to us. I think that my happiness has come from the consistent reflection of those I love the most that my work, my heart, and my magic are good.
The more transparent I am publicly about my earning, my debt, and my visions for owning a house - the happier I get. The more I trust that I am allowed to feel that and keep that the more I lean into it. I also notice the happier I get the meaner some people get. Or the meaner they seem, or the less interested in knowing me they are. I am not here to please people though, I am here to expand beyond limits of what we think we are allowed to be.
Happiness has often alluded me and I have chased it and gripped it as tightly as I can when I find it. Yet there is no trust in a chase. To chase is to be certain you might lose it. And for the first time in my life, at 34 years old, I trust I have built a toolbox so big that losing it just isn’t an option anymore.
At this time last year I was in the beginning stages of a complete mental health breakdown that brought me to the edge of death. And still, as the tools seemed to not work one at a time, what was left were to things : god and friendship.
Today I trust happiness, and to speak that out loud- IS what the happiness is. My personal definition of happiness is trusting that it won’t disappear and feeling comfortable enough to tell people I am happy. Also laughing alone in my house. Smiling more, noticing more, not wondering when the next shoe will drop.
To not fear that someone will think me being happy is uncool. Or that I am unworthy of happiness. Better yet that if someone thinks me being happy isn’t cool that person is probably not for me! And I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT. Actually believing that makes me happy today. Not just peaceful, happy. Stupid smirk on my face happy.
When I open my eyes I usually have a bit of dread, then I feel happy when I see June (who generally sleeps at least 2 hours longer than me) and then I get to my morning pages or I get here and I settle in. But lately I don’t just settle, I feel - happiness?
No flowery prayer to end with today, just the miracle of happiness
Golden Morning Serum from Lake and Woods Apothecary here in Suttons Bay, MI - I use this mid day when I want a little extra hydration and glow - Wild Lake Michigan Roses on my face? Yes please
HAPPY PLAINS WEEK - this video directed by Aidy Bryant <3
Sex, Death, Family: Sharon Olds Is Still Shockingly Intimate
“People take for granted that rent is always going to go up,” said Tara Raghuveer, a co-founder of KC Tenants. “There’s so little political imagination about what could be different, and now I think that’s changing.”
Read The Rent Revolution Is Coming in The New York Times for more
Kansas City has become somewhat of a second home to me and Tara’s imagination and commitment has become deeply inspiring to me - very special to see KC Tenants in the NYT this week!
You can support KC Tenants here
I love Tamara Santibañez’ newsletter and this is such a beautiful offering. I really don’t see anyone else in the tattoo industry with the amount of knowledge, skill, and care as Tamara.
They are teaching a few classes for trauma informed tattooing in November - if you are a tattoo artist I highly recommend! I also feel like their work really speaks to anyone doing a 1:1 service that involves physical bodies
TUESDAYS OR SATURDAYS IN NOVEMBER
Journalists that have been imprisoned during the 2022 Iran Protests
Chelsea Iris Granger and Brittany Nickerson’s 12th annual Moon Calendar for 2023 is now available
THE STAR TREE : APPLE MAGIC - Liz Migliorelli AKA Sister Spinster is teaching a class about apple magic on October 27! The meadow I live in has many apple trees. I have been calling June my little apple farmer because she picks them up and entertians herself with them like they are little tennis balls. I am really looking forward to this class! Liz is one of my favorite teachers, Have Company Residency Alumni, and coolest friends :)
My house visioning obsession has led me here
This was a very inspiring listen for me - same podcast I was on with Nicole Antoinette talking about mONEYYYYYYY
The energy for the rest of October
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