It’s raining today and I’ve been deep in my copy of Yvonne Rainer’s Feelings are Facts. I am looking forward to the rigor of grad school and committing to more research and writing. Having just wrapped Writing the Personal yesterday I feel both complete and filled with light and ready to take a teaching pause. I have never been so delighted and inspired by a class and watching the ultimate outcome - more outspoken words and work from my peers and students. It is heartening to witness.

What oftentimes comes out of a season of thinking I know is a season of not knowing. As soon as I hit a tipping point of being so sure of myself, god will bring me a new person or set of ideas that will bring everything crashing to a halt. It isn’t to say what I thought before is no longer true, if anything it invites in two truths to exist simultaneously. The past four months I have been in a constant state of feeling or thinking something and deciding it is the only truth, believing my own brain, outside resources, news, people, and committing to it as fact that I can report on with ultimate authority.

What a hoax! To be an authority on anything is against my own values and even when I state I am still learning I have to ask myself - am I still learning? Am I truly dedicated to knowing all sides of the dice? Or is the learning just digging my heels in to what I already know?