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Something is in the air this week around circling back. Tomorrow Mercury stations Retrograde, it is Eclipse season, long days of sun and Spring are upon us. Perhaps this circling back is no coincidence and is purely planetary. I find myself both thrilled at the ease of picking up the pieces, and intimidated by not knowing exactly how to do it and exactly how it will turn out.
There is a beautiful 12 step phrase - we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I was recently listening to Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown’s newest book, and as she is talking about regrets she says "The idea of “no regrets” doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver in our lives”
Not to disagree with our beloved queen of healing our shame and getting in the arena, but this gave me pause. It gives me pause because I think it suggests that regret is required for reflection, amends, and pivoting with courage. Rather than a consistent inventory, taking stock of what is working and what is not, with complete and total acceptance along the way and a willingness to bloom after the chaos.
For me this is the part where we don’t shut the door on it. And I actually think “no regrets” isn’t synonymous with being brave or not being brave it just … is a way to be. It is a way to be radically present. Lingering in regret keeps me stuck in the rumination of what I could have done differently. I will pause here to say - if regret brings you to reflecting on your life and living better - by all means regret away! It is the same as our classic phrase “You are enough” - works great for so many people, makes me cringe and my Virgo Rising just cannot accept it.
I am not the kind of writer who writes sentences like To live without regret is _______. I am actually amazed when people write with such precision and fact about things. I think this is why I was so thrown when I heard Brown’s take on regret. From her research this is what it means to live without regret - it means you are not taking opportunities to be braver and you are factually living without reflection.
I write from the I because it works for me, and maybe other writers write this way SO we have something to push back on. I also do not write as a person who uses research amongst people to prove or define emotions and how they show up in our lives. I was grateful how much it riled me up, how much in the truck along the highway I was yelling to the vast wide open spaces YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE NO REGRETS.
Perhaps we are saying the same thing and are just coming at it from different doorways. The ones we have chosen not to shut the door on.
As the circling back continues to swirl around me I haven’t found a moment yet where I really wished I had done something differently, where I regretted my action or my lack of action. I see this sort of consideration as rooted in trusting that what has unfolded was what was available to me at the time. I also think we can have no regrets and still choose to act differently and with more integrity where we are now.
I firmly believe that everything is on time. This is part of my process of not regretting the past. I am willing to look back and have compassion and awe at my ability to survive, and my ability to pick up the pieces along the way. If I hadn’t missed the opportunity, said the mean thing, raised my voice, drank til I blacked out in the parking lot of a Dominos pizza, I wouldn’t be here today exactly as I am.
And for the first time in months I am pleased to say, exactly as I am feels just fine
FLEXIBLE OFFICE MAY 17 - JULY
Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8am PST / 11am EST
Flexible Office is one of my favorite places on the internet. It is a digital co-working space filled with artists, writers, herbalists, weirdos, parents, and other hopeful participants looking for connection, focus, and a place to bring their inner tornado.
This season we extended the Thursday session to be TWO HOURS instead of one. On Tuesdays the chat will be open with two 25 minute sessions for admin tasks, shorter work spurts, etc. And on Thursdays the chat will be open for the first ten minutes to check in, and then closed for DEEP WORK - to really build the attention and focus around creativity so many of us are craving
TESTIMONIAL : I was a little intimidated to join the flexible co-working group because I am going through a period of rebirth in my life and am at the beginning of my creative journey. The imposter syndrome was strong - am I who this is for? am I a real artist? is what I have to say and share worthwhile? But I showed up and kept showing up because of the welcoming environment, cool as fuck people, and low key vibes that allowed me to be present however I was feeling that day. (which marlee made clear would be the case from the beginning and a big reason why I signed up). Some days I would focus on the self-care basics, some days I worked on stressful admin stuff, and some days I had creative play time.
Flexible Office is sliding scale and there are a few 100% scholarships left, all are welcome - see you there!
PAYING ATTENTION TO
THE 300 SONGS OF THE GREAT GLOBAL SONGBOOK - you all know Las Culturistas is my favorite podcast on Earth and this three part series is truly one of the funniest things I have ever listened to - I felt healed
2. From the Jewish Women’s Archive : The Jane collective operated from 1969–1973, helping women in the Chicago area with unwanted pregnancies access safe and more affordable abortion services. Most of the women they served were low-income and women of color—women who weren’t able to travel to states in which abortion was legal.
3. Had a chance to visit my local yarn shop Wool and Honey in Cedar, MI
4. Contributed to Fountain Street Church’s Choice Fund
5. This episode of The Daily (originally from 2018) about Norma McCorvey aka Jane Roe is a truly fascinating story about how we all so desperately want to belong, where we get left behind, and where we go to find it
6. Pre-Order OMO’s beautiful symbol mugs
7. Slow Looking: The Printed Multiple in the Public’s Eye – taught by Lukaza Branfman-Verissimo A REAL LIFE CLASS hosted by Women’s Studio Workshop in Kingston, NY August 15 – 19, 2022 - YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THIS!
8. I successfully logged off social media and email from sundown Friday til this morning when I looked at both on my computer screen only - I noticed increased focus, acceptance of life, and overall less despair when I opened my eyes in the morning
9. At night I have been reading The Gift by Lewis Hyde before I go to bed
10. When I walk June I have been listening to the book Stolen Focus
xo Mar
A portion of May’s paid subscriptions goes towards the National Harm Reduction Coalition
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⌇⋰ Mailing Address : PO Box 981 Traverse City, MI 49685
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