Eclipse Communication
Dear Reader,
As my heart grows in love I also find things crumbling around me. Situations far away that I can’t control and people I love who I can’t protect. One ex in my dreams, one in my air pods, and one telling me to fuck off. The eclipse communication portal rings true, fight it as I may.
What I know is this : I am in my integrity.
What might look selfish to some is me at my most resilient, my most boundaried, my most passionate. What might look fast to some is me at my most assured, my most confident, my most attuned. What might look opportunistic to some is me at my most relational, my most expansive, my most intuitive.
As Lucas says in Empire Records, “I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.”
If everything is an experiment, there are no mistakes. There are no flops. There are no failures. It is all trial and error and the final act is love.
If falling is the final act what is the first? Limerence I suppose, or desire. Fantasy and projecting into the future. Letters to the editor and to the girl you yearn for.
I am behind. My email inbox piled up, school assignments half written, everything like molasses through a strainer. I do my best not to second arrow myself, to accept that sometimes being behind is a part of it all.
The pendulum swings, I try to keep each pot on the stove at a medium temperature but one seems to boil over while the others can’t catch the heat. And yet I remain to pray.
I bought my first Magic The Gathering deck. Well actually I bought two because the girl I cherish the most told me which one to get and they didn’t have it at the first shop I went to and then they had it somewhere else. I got really beautiful sleeves for my cards and I am studying them carefully. This is not the first time I’ve dated a girl who plays MTG but it is the first time it has infiltrated my own life. While I have yet to go into battle (is that what they call it?) I hold each card in my hand and read the spell and it is probably quite obvious I like the land cards the best.
I also opened Animal Crossing for the first time in years and I loved my island but I couldn’t stop it from dead naming me so I started my island over. Then my new character didn’t have the right hair and so I started it over again.
I am lost in my favorite way. No direction feels clear so I roll the dice and every side says god. And yet, what has been unknown for so long is finally so clear. Every wish coming true if you just wait. The snow melts and then it returns.
You can start over at anytime, even if you have built a whole world.
Things of Note :
Many moments of good news from my dear friend Jacqueline Suskin : Her new book of poems The Verse For Now is available for pre order from Flower Press and she is also teaching this amazing class in April.
Also - Save the date Northern Michigan pals - Jacqueline and I will be doing a reading on Monday April 28 at 6pm at Second Hand Social Club :) Free and open to all
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Thank you for reading another installment of Monday Monday by Cody Cook-Parrott. If you loved this newsletter feel free to share an excerpt on social media, forward it to a friend, or link it in your own newsletter.
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