February 24, 2025

Devotee to the Blurred Edges

Dear reader, 

What is the spark of new love other than a tidal wave crashing in from the shore? How many spells can you cast before patience is the only answer and surprise is the only gesture?

I had a dinner party at my house with some of my dearest friends to celebrate the completion of the first draft of my next book. It was a beautiful way to get me to cook a big batch of food and try a new recipe as well as let people love me and emerge from my hermit season with a bit of socializing. 

I lit my pink candle I used for my love spell for the first time since doing said spell a few months ago and sure enough, possibility walked through the front door.

What is possibility but a tidal wave emerging?

I find myself moving quickly, as a tornado person is known to do. As I take small steps toward another I also take small steps away from myself. This is how the waltz of companionship works, and yet I also know so well the signs that I am losing something.

In my season without a partner I have dialed in my routines, my habits, my little ways of being myself without a witness. And I remember how quickly I can be swept into the portal. How much to let the sweeping sweep you and how much to put the dust pan down?

The cosmic timeline of connection is finding its new hope. Wearing her ring on my pointer finger I cast new wishes into the ether. Reading Sappho to her while she showers there is but a single flower bed between me and god and I ask for clarity on how to proceed.

I know now that love doesn’t come as often, in these woods tucked into the hill it is but a rare sight. I know the warning signs of losing my feet beneath me, and yet I wonder sometimes if part of falling is trusting you’ll be able to brace yourself on impact instead of being destroyed by gravity.

I root in deeply to everything that queer connection brings. The magic and simplicity of those first moments where you meet someone, or meet them again in their new form. The form that was always hiding underneath but is now so sweetly revealed.

I am beholden dear reader. I am in the swells of the tides and I am willing to be taken under. Because today I trust greatly my abilities to float back to the top, to come up for air, to see my tasks so clearly.

I may be behind on a few things right now but I am no fool for love. I am a devotee to the blurred edges of a new awareness.

Things of Note :

♢ Registration is open for The Tapestry and The Web : Journaling as a Contemplative Practice March 16, 23, and 30 live on zoom (recorded if you cannot make it live)

♢ I love my I Dream of Trans Futures hat from Ash + Chess

♢ Copies of Look About You : my 366 day prayer book - are still for sale on my website for $19.20

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Queer spirituality and astrology. Interviews like this one with Cody Cook-Parrott and blogs about the stars and growing up Catholic. Enjoy!

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