Dear Reader,

Today’s newsletter covers sensitive personal material and is for paid subscribers of Monday Monday. The content of this newsletter discusses my own ecperience of sexual assault, coercion, and non consensual sex. The news headlines and social media algorithms have been filled with the story of Jane Doe and The Cornell 7 and if you need a break from that I suggest you do not read on.

If you are looking for more stories like yours, or to understand how finally agreeing doesn’t erase all the times you said no, this is for you.

I am sending care to all sexual assault survivors, what a horrific time to live in while we watch so many stories unfold through the woodwork.

In 2018 I was seven years sober and in my first gay relationship. Although I had been out and queer since college I was coming to terms with my sexuality in a new way. I remember saying to my girlfriend at the time something along the lines of us “being queer but not lesbians”, as if it was the dirtiest word on the planet. My internalized homophobia was still through the roof, even though I had opened my heart. She replied, well - I’m a lesbian. And my world shook. I hadn’t realized how scared I was of that word or an identity that didn’t include men.

We had a fun summer between West Marin and LA and kept our relationship open. I occasionally hooked up with a man I had briefly dated but I increasingly found my queerness shifting in a way that didn’t include attraction to men.

Eventually my relationship ended and I found myself single again in my tiny cabin in the eucalyptus grove.