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There is the moment when we enter the circle of experience and are met with resistance, unmet needs, and a lack of clarity on what the next choice is. We create the sculpture of experience by generously entering or exiting the space. By waiting for the initiator to indicate what is next, to respond, or to be the first to set the tone of the circle. As we mold the clay of what it is we dream of we must question : do we always need to turn towards each thing that begs to have our attention?
We may choose a different entry point, to not respond, to hold the boundary, and to protect the solo experience of the circle. While this is a score for dance making, I find that it is the score for alive making. The score for the practice of weaving in and out of relationships, practices, events, and the mirror of self.
When I do not meet my own standards, which are abnormally high, I have a very difficult time moving through the world. The thing that breaks this spell with 100% accuracy : is dancing. It doesn’t always mean I get to the thing I have been meaning to do (the newsletter, book writing, calling someone back, etc) But it does mean I break the cycle of self harm in the form of negative self talk. I have been doing my best to set the bar as low as possible, that if all I do today is don’t drink and stay alive I have done an EXCELLENT job.
For almost thirty four years I have bee tying my worth and lovability to anything I can throw my rope while simultaneously working to heal this. While certain relationships have fallen by the wayside that used to play this part, my work and art and teaching have come into a sharper view. If I don’t send my newsletter out when I committed to - the self talk is harsh. I have a few long term projects that I haven’t tended to in months, and the longer I go the more afraid I am to sit down to do them, for fear that the inner critic will not collaborate with me.
And so, I return to movement. Not just as a dancer but as a practitioner of hope. As a devotee to the edges of sharpness. As a student of compositional choice making I push towards putting on the music and moving my body. Whether it is Dua Lipa or Brian Eno I go towards what it is that is really pulling at my attention.
As my self esteem catapults through a portal that is unexplainable, I peel myself from the bottom of a tunnel of low self worth to be brought back to life. It is the spiral that keeps me going, the promise of spring, the promise of the light growing and growing. And yet each day still feels like god’s tests are a bit much for me.
And so, I return to movement. I return to moving my body and push myself towards doing it daily. Even for one song. Even just to remember I have a body.
To remember I have a body, this pain burden and this luscious gift. This flesh suit I so desperately want to feel connected to again, no longer a stranger in my own house.
May this tiny person float above me everyday, smarties in hand ready to be the brightest and the best with the bangs in the middle part, danced themselves right out the womb.
May we enter the circle sculpture in generosity and faith, may we move to the edges out of self preservation not fear, and may we all be protected in our big visions of what could be expansion beyond our wildest dreams - may we hold the boundary with reverence
DANCE CLASS : SAT APRIL 9 9AM PST / 12PM EST
A three hour workshop LIVE ON ZOOM to tune into our bodies, explore our personal movement vocabularies, and create small solo dances in our own spaces
YEARS IN THE MAKING : This three hour workshop is everything I have been studying about dance and improvisational choice making through movement the last fifteen years of teaching dance IRL and a lifetime of performing
This is an invitation to invest in yourself and your solo practice : we will utilize our personal spaces as mini performing places, props, and the movement vocabulary that comes from our own bodies
We will dance, write, and float through space with an ambient soundtrack, check in on our embodiment practices, and end with a pop music dance party in an effort to launch us into continuing to cultivate our solo practices of movement
Scholarships for BIPOC students, closed captions, and the recording is your forever - you can take this class seated, laying down, camera on or off
PROTECT QUEER AND TRANS KIDS : WIN A QUILT, A BANNER, & BOOKS 📚 🏳️⚧️🌈 Jess of Public Library Quilts is hosting an amazing quilt raffle to help make public school libraries places of sanctuary for queer & trans kids and make sure LGBTQ+ youth have access to safe housing
I contributed some of my own words and thoughts about queerness and libraries which I will share here :
A library is a sacred vessel, a library is a meeting place, a library is a space of gay community expansion, a library is where the dreams you didn’t know you had come true
A library is where you see your neighbors, where you pour over your research and topics that move you, and it’s where you stumble upon a book that you open up and exclaim - there I am!
Reading books about my ancestors, trancestors, and queer kin brings me closer to myself and my practice and the magic of being gay - it keeps me with myself when I want to run, may the books flow freely to those who need them
Watched the French gay nun possession movie Benedetta which I highly recommend if you love gay stuff, god stuff, and nun stuff and I immediately was like WOW what does this nun outfit remind me of and the answer is it is indeed my winter uniform of my Paloma Wool balaclava and Katherine Ferrier scarf - can’t wait to see if I get stigmata in my sleep!
Watched the Summer of Soul documentary while Chloe gave me an Ace of Cups tattoo
I did not know Substack had CHARTS but apparently they do and MONDAY MONDAY is the Number 7 newsletter in Art and Illustration: THANK YOU for being a subscriber and making it so!
Some music to stay sad to
The Curated Fridge project - art shows on a refrigerator
TRANS WEEK OF VISIBILITY
READING : Tarot for Change : USING THE CARDS FOR SELF-CARE, ACCEPTANCE, AND GROWTH By Jessica Dore
The Detroit Art Book Fair announces its return October 16 and 17
The art of Alice Gabb
xo mar
A portion of March’s paid subscriptions goes towards Power Blossoms
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PAID SUBSCRIBERS : Make sure you tune into the latest YES YES where I talk more about improvisational dance making
