A year of silence

It has been one year since the most important relationship in my life ended, and I don’t know how to write about it. This year of silence has been so painful, so disorienting, that when I try to write about it it feels like the wind can’t catch the sail.

There is the public nature of the companionship, honoring my own privacy and that of another, and the sheer embarrassment of being left.

This loss has pushed me toward a deep excavation of my self, my codependency, my relationship to money, releasing stigma around my own mental health, and finding myself more radicalized and free of ambivalence. At times I have never felt so alone, and yet in this aloneness I have found a new freedom.