5000 Days
Dear reader
Today I bring you a new installment of the Yes Yes Advice Column all about the great dance of letting yourself fall in love but not fall out of practice with everything you do to stay alive.
In honor of my own aliveness I wanted to share that today I celebrate 5000 DAYS of sobriety against the first drink! It continues to amaze me how many 24 hrs I have strung together by miracle and hard work. All glory to god.
Alive alive alive
TODAY’S QUESTION
I started seeing someone about 2 months ago, and at 30 years old, this feels like the first healthy romantic relationship I’m developing and feels like the healthiest time of my personal life in self care, habits, and practices. He just finished the Appalachian Trail and is from far away, so is somewhat living with me, ie it’s not typical in that we go on a date and then go our separate ways until our next date. I am wondering how to keep up my personal practices that can feel pretty regimented and consuming and the sense of self that I connect to within them while also exploring this new person, this new relationship, and this new self I am discovering of myself in our relationship. I think more generally this question is - how do you keep connected to self while diving into a new relationship?
ANSWER :
What a gift! To be falling in love! To be in this season of sweet delight. My first thought might surprise you but I will take my time to unpack it a little bit : Let it consume you. Let it consume you in a safe way where you are on the edge of your seat but you are also totally in control.
But your question remains, how do you let yourself be in a season of falling in love and being consumed without it taking you under the waves where you can barely come up for air? How do we stay so rooted in our solo material that when it is time for the duet we instinctively know what moves to pull out?
I find that a crush or falling in love really disorients me. It has been part of the pleasure of not dating for the last year and having very little knock me off my center. And yet as I complete certain professional goals in my life I find myself thinking, ok perhaps I am ready to get knocked off my center again. Like you said, you are feeling the healthiest you have ever felt in your life. To me that is a good time to loosen the grip a bit so that you can now be a in a season of getting to know someone else.
What I am attempting to say is : Its ok if some of the daily routines are a little wonky while you settle in to this new reality. It’s ok if you aren’t as on top of things as you usually are. I don’t want you to miss out on this sweet season that only happens in the beginning. Let yourself luxuriate in it a bit and don’t judge yourself for the time and effort you are giving it.
Now, that being said, let’s dig in to all the ways you can still protect your time and energy in this new relationship.