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2021, week 30

Good morning!

Wow, we made it to Issue N°30, what a journey! I’ve never been that much commited to something in my life. Sure, it has not been easy to find the energy to curate, read and write every week but I couldn’t afford to miss a week. This is a very rewarding routine.

On this occasion, I want to thank all of you, subscribers, who support me and give me your feedback. It’s great to know some of my words can touch or help you in your own journey.

If you recently joined the newsletter, feel free to have a look at the Browse section of cmdncmds and browse by Highlights & Categories or by Issues. There is almost a hundred Highlights published already, unbelievable! :)

Highlights of the week

Ever wish you could tell your boss to change something, but they don't seem open to criticism? Most of us stay silent. Why piss off the person who can promote or fire you? But the ones who do this well gain more respect and trust.

1. Speak up

How can I guess something is wrong if you don’t tell me what you think? Too often, we think people will feel or see things as we do. But that’s a big lie to ourselves, a way to find relief in blaming others. If you don’t communicate what you think, you miss an opportunity to change the situation. As time passes, the gap widens and that’s when things get really worse. If you feel like a love, friend or work relationship is getting bad, you should speak up now or give up straight away. However, it’s not always easy to gather our thoughts and have the courage to speak up. If it happens to you in a work relationship, I strongly recommend you to have a look at this Twitter thread from Julie Zhuo. She describes a really straightforward process that you can quickly put in place to see if you receive some reciprocity. Because, of course, a relationship is still a team effort that sometimes just needs the momentum of one of the parties to get back on track. Don’t waste your energy on a one-way relationship. See online

You feel a lot. Which means sometimes you’re gonna hurt a lot, but it also means you’re gonna live a life that is emotionally rich and really beautiful.

2. Vulnerability

It’s good to feel things. Feelings/emotions are what makes you feel alive. But let’s be honest, it’s difficult to take negative feelings. They barely hit us that we already want them to be gone forever. We know they are temporary so we just wait till the resentment is gone. Sometimes, we even feel smarter when we somehow manage to ignore them. But, the truth is that they keep coming back bigger and more often. If you don’t want your feelings to define you, you have to take them as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Being more vulnerable is not accepting to be weak, it’s accepting that we have weaknesses. To help me do so, I like to see my vulnerable quality as a virtual space where I can welcome those feelings. This space is a calm room with a notebook on a desk in the middle. When a feeling comes in, I sat at the desk so I can mindfully dissect and process it. I take my notes for future references (where it comes from, how much it affects me and why I think it does) and then I let it go. This process helps me take more distance with the things I feel and understand why I feel the way I feel. It’s like an antechamber to protect myself. Intellectualisation is a good process in general if you want to take distance with what you experience. It forces you to look at things from a third person’s viewpoint and be more objective. Understand what makes you feel the way you feel is the only method I know to better handle or prevent the feelings that can hurt me. See online

Enjoy this issue and see you next week. Take care!