do something pretty while you can / fame and fortune is a stupid game
preface: what follows below is a continuation of conversations i’ve been having with my art. if you forgot, last time i wrote about how “I no longer hear paintings” which focused on me re-learning how my art was trying to inspire me. i referred to it as “my creative brain” in that email. Since then i have had full blown conversations with this entity that i’ve moved on to calling it my art and consider it a fully independent entity that is learning and observing the world along with me. where my main goal is survival of this corporeal form, my art’s main goal is pushing these stories of sound into reality.
i want that sentiment of conversation and learning to be held true throughout this email. i know there are people reading this that put out music of mine on their labels, who played shows with me or setup shows for me, who wrote reviews and said kind words about the music i’ve made. To you all i say a loud and colorful thank-you. your time and energy were truly appreciated. do not read into the below text as some “whoa is me, no one likes me, i wish other people did more for me” crap. that is not what i want to come through at all.
The conversations with my art this year have revolved around energy and time. about 15years ago i felt a calling to try and play live shows. i had already started sharing some tracks and ideas on myspace and it just felt like the next thing to do. i wasnt talking to my art at the time but i get the feeling they were onboard with this as it generally meant that i was doing something to share these stories. then a friend offers to put out my first tape and i was like “oh wow. thats cool. that makes this kinda real”. he got that tape into the local shops and there was some initial press we could muster up. immediately i started to think of “next steps”. i should play more shows. and then i dreamed of playing shows with better sound systems, multi-channel setups, non-traditional spaces, installations…. and i started to think about trying to send out demos to other labels and other publications. “bigger” ones, with the hope that it would lead to playing the spaces i dreamed about. i really started to view art creating through the lens of capitalism (though i didnt recognize it as such at the time) viewing it much like one views a career progression, like there were levels that could be obtained by hitting some kind of bench marks.
i knew i would never pay my bills through making art (i realized that a long time ago either through a subconscious discussion with my art or it was a mutual understanding) but during these early years my art didn’t seem to mind all this work i was doing that wasn’t making art. possibly because i was still able to find the time to record and post new music while i sent out demo’s, tried to get reviews and organize shows.
the last few years though, post-lockdown, all that stuff that wasn’t recording started to take a lot more of my time and energy. my art gently started to remind me that we dont have to make this profitable, this was never meant to fall victim to the throws of capital. this is still music even if no one buys it.
i began to realize that i looked toward external institutions to find my validation. in all this time of making music i hadn’t had one single unsolicited demo picked up, i doubt any of them were even listened to. my only releases with other labels were from them asking me. some of my favorite reviews were from random folks on like twitter or Instagram. my partner will often come with me to various noise/noise-adjacent shows and ask/observe “this sounds like your stuff. why dont you play this venue/series/etc”. i never have a better answer than “i’ve tried”. so it goes.
i’ve come to the realization that it doesnt matter. not that i wouldnt want to play those places, or release on those labels. but that in the end i should not value those institutions opinions as the only one. those institutions dont make the art real. i do.
fame and fortune is a stupid game and i’m done playing it.
enough of that though. you probably want to read about any new music i have. last year i only put out 2 things:
long dreams of hope this is a collection of pieces i started working on in 2023. one reason i’ve mostly stopped sending unsolicited demos is that it completely mucks up my working process. instead of recording or mixing or listening i will obsessively check my email. double think about what i wrote. wonder why i haven’t heard back. that was most of my free time in 2023 (eventually i just put that out myself in Aug2023) which is why it took most of 2024 to finish this collection. Marc Masters wrote some very kind words about this here and i have a little more deep dive into the tracks up on my blog
music is a series of choices made in realtime (by myself) this is a collection of live recordings or pieces made from samples i saved during live sets, from 2023 and early 2024. i’m mostly happy with these, as i feel its a nice sampler of some different performance ideas and setups, particularly the Jefferson Park Library set which was not only no guitar but a complete live setup i could fit in one pannier bag on my bike. laptop, op-1 and mbria.
if you are in chicago i have 2 shows kinda booked already:
April 17th @ Comfort Station 7pm
i was asked to play as part of this series Comfort Music+. i’ll be playing a set with Anna Johnson https://annajohnsonart.com/ who does terrific visual and audio work. i hope to play well enough to not ruin it. its been a long time since i’ve played comfort station and its one of my favorite little rooms to play.
and some saturday in August I’ll be doing a solo theremin set at Jefferson Park Library. part of the ongoing series Jefferson Park EXP. more details on that when the show is finalized.
thanks for reading. i hope you are all well.
the subject1 line of this email comes from 2 songs:
belle & sebastian “we rule the school”. had you told me in 1998 when i bought “boy with the arab strap” that belle & sebastian would be one of the bands i would see live the most (in 2024 i saw them 3 times and one of those times i traveled to their hometown in Scotland to do so). i am not sure i would have understood how much these songs would mean to me over the next 30 years.
mission of burma “fame and fortune” the guitar riff and bassline interplay during the last section of this song makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up 👏every👏single👏time i hear it.
1my friend suggested i use the subject line ‘we rule the academy’ which would be funny/cool but then i’d have to pick “academy fight song” which i do like but doesnt fit with the theme of this email
you are getting this email because i have your email address from a bandcamp purchase. if you dont want to receive this you are more than welcome to click the unsubscribe link which should be just below this text