Listenting comprehension: I have poor hearing. As a child, I had surgery in one ear; it went great, but my hearing capabilities have been fairly one-sided since. It’s gotten worse over the years, and my friends kept noticing it lately, too. In loud environments, I felt like I was trapped under a diving bell; all conversations were muffled and exhausting. A recent hearing test confirmed my experiences, and I decided to tackle the problem like a real adult: I went to get a hearing aid.

I was really excited for it! I was ready to be transformed into a cyborg—not one of those self-made microchip-implant-ones, no, a real, medically approved one! With my test results, I consulted a hearing care professional, who gave me a standard model covered by health insurance: a battery-powered, grey device with a little transparent cable plugged into my ear canal. It was basically invisible. It connected via Bluetooth to my phone and provided three programs: Surround hearing (for everyday life), front-focussed hearing (for conversations), and streaming (optimized for music and TV).

What can I say: my enthusiasm dampened quickly. From what others told me, these modern devices could do anything; they’d basically replace my AirPods and merge my digital and analog life (sound-wise). But as I am only impaired on one ear, I only got one hearing aid, so the in-ear streaming was pretty useless. The device was flimsy, and the microphone often looped me into conversations not meant for my ear(s). Random rustle and beeping constantly brought my attention to my impaired hearing. It was not the calm, enhancing technology I was hoping for, but a clumsy attachment that needed constant grooming. Worst of it all: the hearing improvement was barely noticeable, at least during my trial period.

Admittedly, for me this was a luxury problem. On one ear I can hear just fine—for other people, these devices are necessary, and hopefully helpful! However, they are not magical; not as the ads for health tech wearables would promise. The whole endeavor took me down a rabbit hole of wearable technology—is that still a thing?! For years, Big Tech has been trying to force smart watches and glasses upon us, but they never seemed to get out of the sports segment. Their UX and UI are impressive (using finger gestures and eye motion), but the products ooze the late-capitalist sweat of self-optimization and loneliness rather than really improving life on a societal and interpersonal level. Especially recent failures like so-called “AI companions” (ughhh)—the Rabbit r1, the Humane AI Pin or Friend come to mind—make it clear: they’re interesting design experiments, but none of these were really useful or helpful. A proper hearing aid for improved social interactions is.

For now, I decided to keep my non-cyborg body, without hearing aids. A privilege, I know! As it turns out: no one really understands anything in loud social environments; it’s not just a me-problem. Many people just don’t care so much; they drink and smoke and laugh and maybe are just less sensitive to noise. It’s fine. I’ll just have to ask you, every once in a while, to maybe say that again, please? Or I’ll just smile and nod, and stay here under my little diving bell.

How to be less awkward: I love reading Experimental History, a newsletter by psychologist Adam Mastroianni. In his text “How to be less awkward”, he dissects the phenomenon that most people think they’re great at housework but awkward at parties. Relatable!

Electric Romance: In a museum, I took a photo of a drawing from the 1740s: The electric kiss—a curious phenomenon from a time when electricity found its way into society. I made a little Instagram reel about it (it’s in German); have a look!

In the previous issue, I asked you about your language preference for this newsletter. While the results were very mixed (with a tendency to “Either is fine”), I decided to continue this dispatch in English. If you prefer German writing: I publish in German on my Christowski Blog, and oftentimes on Instagram, too. Thanks for following along! Until next time—Christoph.

PS: This issue’s title is a nudge to Park Chan-wook’s 2006 movie “I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK”. Remember that one?!