unplugged, unpublishable, unbothered
But why? And for whom?
first off: hi from Buttondown! As an extremely casual newsletter writer, using my last platform was feeling much more like work than the casual thing I want any newsletter of mine to be. So I’m back here and already feeling much more relaxed.
I’m also thinking about what I want a newsletter to look like. In fact, I’m thinking a lot about the way I write (and for whom) lately — more on that below. My tries at a newsletter in the past have been very personal essay-heavy. I’ve produced some really impactful writing (and some truly dark writing that had no purpose, tbh), but this has been difficult to keep up since it’s rare I both want to write something deep and introspective and know how to write about it. I think I sent like three newsletters in 2024.
So this time around, I think I’m just going to chill out. I’d love if something sustainable emerged, but overthinking is what made me stall and never write again, so.
hi, 2025: I went into the new year resolution-less, but didn’t make it 20 hours into January 1 before I committed to a new project: I’m writing (by hand) a letter to a different person every day. The reason is that I’d like to explore my relationship to writing by writing something much more "unpublishable" than I've been used to. The process of writing by hand dissuades me from counting words, polishing as I go, and obviously thinking about what a wide audience might think.
As I’m writing this I’m six letters into the project, and I'm already realizing that I'm challenging my tendency to be wordy just because I want to prevent my hand from cramping up too soon. But even as someone who’s been a regular letter writer my entire adult life, the part that’s most difficult so far is shaking off the “unsent” descriptor and writing something that’s still a letter. I’m finding myself reverting to that “personal essay” tendency, but in this case these “essays” happen to be written to a single “you,” and that’s just not an interesting letter most of the time. I’m hoping to clarify this distinction by peppering in a few letters that I’ll actually send to people so I can remember what writing a letter is ~supposed~ to feel like.
I have to admit that the academic part of my brain really can’t wait to have a Corpus™ at the end of the year that I can analyze. When I find myself back in personal essay territory, it’s because of who I’m writing to. Most of the time, it’s someone I haven’t spoken to in years, but we never really ended our friendship, so I end up exploring exactly what changed and hoping to stick the landing. (But why? And for whom?) That said, I’m trying not to think about what comes next right now. I just want this writing to be as unplugged as possible for as long as possible.
wholesome scroll: I gave this section a cute name so maybe it’ll be a regular feature, you know? (ftr, “scrollsome” crossed my mind but no)
I’m on Airbuds now, an app where you can see what your friends are listening to and react to their music history. Add me??? (related: I switched from Spotify to Apple Music this year!) (also, no, this app has nothing to do with the dog of the same name)
Here’s a really cool year-end reflection zine template from Sarah Shay Mirk! (And here’s the zine I made! I can’t draw, but I sure filled it out)
I wrote some flash fiction the other day for the first time in maybe a year or two? I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out, so maybe I’ll start my submitting/polishing dance and see how that shakes out. (I know a piece is supposed to be, uh, finished before you send it out, but I’ve always been into the idea of seeing who’s interested when they perceive it as finished? And maybe they’ll have edits if they like it?)
Last thing: an outlet that published one of my stories a couple years ago reached out and asked if they could include the story in an “editors’ choice” publication that they’re going to sell at a zine fest in Paris. Génial!