The last thing I want to do is to engage in endless online mudwrestling about who is allowed to use which words to mean what. That being said, I have been getting a lot of questions lately about my use of the term bisexual, both in the title of this newsletter and when it comes to my identity as a genderfluid non-binary person. Isn’t pansexual a better, more inclusive term?

I mean, sure, yeah. If someone chooses to refer to me as pansexual, they aren’t wrong. However, I’m also old and stubborn. I’ve identified as bisexual for longer than a lot of these bossy little keyboard warriors have been alive. Also, external and, sadly, internalized biphobia is everywhere and that makes me want to fight even harder to reclaim the term rather than surrender it to people who want to use it as a weapon against anyone who doesn’t play by their rules. 

So let’s start off with some bi basics. Shit that needs to be stated and restated because way too many people still fall for a bunch of moldy old tropes rooted in toxic patriarchy. Example: the claim that a woman can fuck 99 other women and one guy and that means she’s really heterosexual. Conversely, a man can fuck 99 women and one guy and that means he’s really gay. Like penises are magic wands that have the power to erase all other sexual experience and define anyone they touch. 

We are not confused. We are not playing a role for anyone else’s benefit. We are not incapable of love and commitment. We are not “on vacation from straightness” and ready to run back to our hetero hidey-holes as soon as the going gets tough.

Obviously we are also not a monolith and just as capable of being fucked up and misguided as anybody else. But just because that one person who broke your heart in college embodied one (or all!) of the above cliches doesn’t mean we are all like them.

At my age it think it’s safe to say that I know what I want. I’ve been in the trenches actively fighting with and for all of my siblings in the Alphabet Mafia since 198-fuggitaboutit. I’m not gonna quit any time soon.

Hope you’ve been paying attention, Faustketeers, because it’s time for a pop quiz:

In an exclusive relationship with one person? Still bi! Taking a break from partnered sex and just enjoying being single? Still bi! Never actually had sex with a person who identifies the same way that you do, but want to? You guessed it. Still bi! 

Still with me? Good. 

Here’s how I see it. When I say that I am bisexual, what I mean is that I’m sexually attracted to people who are the same as me and also to people who are different. The binary I evoke by using that term isn’t male/female, it’s same/different. And while it may be true that there are a lot more people who are different to choose from, it doesn’t mean I can’t hold out hope for some sexy twinning in my future. Kinky AFAB genderfluid non-binary hotties, hit me up! We can wear matching outfits and haunt people’s dreams.

Watching/Reading

In other non-binary news, Jiz Lee is back on Crash Pad and I’m not ok, call 911!

Also, anybody out there watching Richard Gadd’s Half Man? Because I’m dying to talk about it! 

The plot description reads like a young adult MM romance except holy shit is it dark and fucked up. It's this unflinching deep dive into toxic masculinity, pseudo-incestuous homoeroticism and the blurred lines between desire and violence. I totally understand why Heated Rivalry was such a massive breakout hit, not just because of the appeal for straight women who like to watch boys kissing, but also because during deeply shitty times like these it’s nice to see queer men fall in love and not get punished for it. On the other hand, as a long time fan of Dark Stuff, I also love seeing unsanitized queer characters making bad choices and dealing with ugly, complex and messy entanglements that don’t utilize pre-approved therapy-speak redemption arcs. What can I say? Bisexual Gemini that I am, I like both.

Most of my reading these days has been for my Top Secret Project, so I’ll leave you with this spoiler-free recommendation.

A Violent Masterpiece is out now and it’s, unsurprisingly, a violent masterpiece. If you’re not reading Jordan Harper, what are you even doing with your life? Bonus points for spotting a cameo appearance that may or may not be inspired by your-not-so-humble narrator.

Stay kinky, beloveds!