Archive Report #617
Pants. Processing. Pits. Posters. Pre-med.
SMS
The internet knows I’m in the market for a flouncy pant, and the situation has become unsustainable.
Notes for next therapy session
I’m starting to see the squiggly red spellcheck line in the 3rd dimension.
Quotidian Quotes
"I bit down, and there were still pits in the olives. It’s like, who serves a salad in North America with pits?”
— Overheard in a restaurant in San Francisco
/img
Journal Entry
07-13-1997
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
– Lord Byron
Our family had a rule growing up that we didn't make fun of anyone's laugh, no matter how outrageous it was. The rule came from my father, and it was a beautiful sentiment, because a laugh is pure. However, my father had never heard Bernard’s laugh. It was massive and violent and sounded less like he found something funny, and more like he was trying to sell you on the idea of something being funny. The longer you waited before you joined him laughing, the harder he laughed, and the redder he got.
Always be closing.
I loved not laughing with him. On one hand it was easy because he wasn’t funny. On the other hand I took a perverse joy in the nanosecond in which it was visible behind his eyes that he had not prevailed, and that a longer, more violent laugh was required. One time I got him real close to passing out, and I know the signs because I was Pre-Med for a year in college until I realized I was going to have to deal with bare behinds for the rest of my life. That’s when I switched to Advertising. Would you believe I more than doubled the amount of rear ends I’d have to deal with every day?
End Transmission