Archive Report #220
Social Contracts, Hypotheticals, Chickens, 67 Songs, Fiber Dosing
Are you in breach of the social contract?
It's OK to get up at 4am to work out.
It's OK to have a belief about why you get up at 4am to work out.
It's OK to tell another person that you have a belief about why you get up at 4am to work out. You may do this exactly one time at a light social function and for the clearly stated reason that it works for you specifically. “Anyway, your mileage may vary. Changing topics, have you seen any good movies lately,” is the best possible dismount.
However, if you tell any person a second time that you have a belief about why you get up at 4am to work out, and doubly if you do so using an emotional and rhetorical funnel that leaves them no room but to conclude that they should do likewise, you are in breach of the social contract.
Hypotheticals
Every time a person is asked with whom they’d most like to have dinner, living or dead, the chance to see a departed loved one again is hanging there like a hothouse, vine-rippened tomato, and if you really want to calculate the speed at which this bullet train is horsing to the dead nuts center of hell, you’ll count the number of times they choose some titan of industry, or politician, or - God help me - a general of some famous war. One more dinner with grandma is what these people should get no matter whose name they put on the form, and they should have to tell her whose name they wrote instead of hers. Then, when she’d jerked a knot in their tail, maybe they’d come back to their remaining days less taken with titans, and liars, and maybe we’d have a shorter list of famous wars.
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ALT: Chicken Perms, Chicken Parm, Arnold Palmers
67 Sloop John Bs
This is a playlist of 67 different versions of The Beach Boys’ “Sloop John B.”
An Equine Inquiry
This guy at work once told me it was safe to eat an apple, core and all, and then did so right in front of me. He only left the stem. I also had an apple with me that day so I said, “Why not?” I ate down to that sinewy part of the core and soldiered through it. Then I saw an apple seed, naked as birth, and I paused and thought of my dental work. "Are we a horse, Chuck?" I asked myself. "I don’t believe we are," I replied.
End Transmission