News Flash: Trans People Have Internalized Transphobia!
A dozen years ago, Julia Serano called me up and asked me to speak at Girl Talk, a then-annual event that focused on trans women's inclusion in queer spaces (and particularly queer women's spaces.) Girl Talk was a really cool conversation, which usually featured a mixture of trans and cis women speakers.
I told Julia that I'd be happy to take part, but people might not like what I had to say. We talked through it and she said it was okay.
In the end, my talk seemed to go over really well because I was able to soften it enough and included a lot of humor, but my basic message was: trans people should look at our own house when it comes to inclusivity.
I had already seen so many trans spaces and groups and events die, because they did not want to be inclusive of all trans people. I had seen so many examples of trans people putting up barriers and throwing shade on each other, instead of welcoming everyone and creating the most vibrant and welcoming space possible. People kept trying to create hierarchies based on medical procedures that you had or had not undertaken, based on how well you could "pass" as a cis man or cis woman — or simply based on how well you could perform middle class respectability. Trans spaces were also heavily segregated based on race, and I regret that I didn't talk enough about that at the time.
My main argument was: How are you going to expect other queer people to accept you into their spaces, when you won't even let most trans people into yours?
But also, the best way to get invited to other people's parties is to throw awesome parties of your own — and you can't throw an awesome party if you only invite the five people who you believe are doing transness "correctly."
Like I said, I experienced a lot of trans boundary-policing when I was starting out. Early in my transition, I was friends with a trans woman who was further along — but I soon realized she did not want to be seen in public with me, because I stood out too much and didn't "pass" as a cis woman. Or simply because two trans people in the same place were more conspicuous than one.
And I'll always suspect that my transition would have happened faster and more smoothly, if I hadn't listened to the transmedicalists. These are folks who insist there's only one right reason for being trans, and only one right way to change your body to fit your real gender.
I pretty quickly realized what was behind a lot of this fence-building and respectability politics: internalized transphobia.
If you hear often enough that you're disgusting, that you don't deserve to take up space, that your life is worthless, some part of you will inevitably start to believe it. The only way to escape from these feelings, for many people, is to point to other members of your group and say, "They're the ones who are the problem. I'm one of the good ones."
This is basic human nature, but it's also incredibly shitty. And nobody has to behave this way.
The thing about internalized transphobia, as with other internalized biases, is that it rears its ugly head more as the hateful messages from outside crescendo. And to put it mildly, right now is not a great time to be trans, especially transfeminine, in the United States, or pretty much anywhere. I've been shocked to realize how much my own feelings of self-loathing have bubbled to the surface in the past few years, long after I would have thought I was extremely secure in my identity. So I can only imagine the amount of garbage that's going through a lot of people's heads right now.
So yeah, I've seen an uptick lately in trans people trying to put each other down or blame each other for attracting the wrong kind of attention. I get it, but I hate it.
The good news? Identifying the problem is the first step to a solution, and in this case the problem is internalized transphobia. So the solution is for trans people to love and appreciate ourselves and others, which I know sounds incredibly fluffy but is actually really hard. We need to see that trans is beautiful, even if it's not conventional, "respectable" beauty, and that we're not some lesser imitation of cis people — we're a goddamn wonder.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how to counter all of the hatred trans people are getting right now from the mainstream media and from so-called allies. And I'm starting to think back on the advice I gave at Girl Talk, a dozen years ago. Until we accept and welcome all trans and gender non-conforming people, we'll have a hard time demanding acceptance and welcome from politicians, journalists, or random cis people on the Internet. And because I regret not saying this part louder a dozen years ago, let me add: this starts with supporting and cherishing Black and Brown trans people. (And by supporting, I mean monetarily. As well as in other ways.)
I promise my next newsletter is not going to be an angry rant, but it's been a time. Next week, I'm going to list sexy spaceships or something.
My Stuff
This Saturday, we're doing the Trans Nerd Meet Up in San Francisco. All self-identified trans/nb folks are welcome to come and geek out about your favorite geeky subjects.
I have a story in the new anthology From a Certain Point of View: Return of the Jedi, about the almighty Sarlacc pit.
I have an essay in the upcoming anthology Critical Hits: Writers Playing Video Games, edited by Carmen Maria Machado and J. Robert Lennon. I'm writing about movies where someone from the real world goes inside a game, from Tron to Jumanji.
You can already order New Mutants Vol. 4, and you can pre-order New Mutants: Lethal Legion. These contain most of the saga of Escapade, the trans mutant superhero I co-created for Marvel. (To read Escapade's debut, you need to hunt down the 2022 pride issue.)
I wrote a young adult trilogy, and the final book (Promises Stronger Than Darkness) came out in April. It's basically the gayest shit ever, featuring a team of outrageous queers saving all of the worlds with the power of creativity and getting each other's pronouns right.
I'm still doing the podcast Our Opinions Are Correct with Annalee Newitz, all about the meaning of science fiction, science and futurism. Our latest episodes are about exoplanets, the nature of creativity, and how Silicon Valley misunderstands free speech. (Subscribe here.)
I'm still very proud of Never Say You Can't Survive, the book I wrote about using creative writing to get through tough times. And my short story collection, Even Greater Mistakes.