Gonzo WTF Movies That I Utterly Love
Hi! Thanks for reading my newsletter. My new book Lessons in Magic and Disaster has been out for a couple of months. It’s about a trans woman who teaches her mom how to be a witch. Bay Windows just said that “Anders's writing is simultaneously erudite, hilarious, and revelatory, creating a story that is entertaining, thought-provoking, healing, and queer as heck.” You can get a signed/personalized copy at Green Apple.
This weekend I’ll be at A Seat at the Table Books in Elk Grove, CA for a “Gays in Space” weekend. I’ll be teaching a workshop on Saturday at 4 PM and having a conversation with the legendary Bitter Karella at noon on Sunday. Plus there’s a drag show. Register for everything here!
Weird and wonderful movies that everyone should watch
My favorite movies include some films you've probably seen or at least heard of: The Third Man, Citizen Kane, Star Trek II, the original Bedazzled, Kubrick's whole ouevre, etc. But there are also some movies that I've rewatched endlessly and find myself referencing all the time, that you probably haven't seen. Here are the gonzo films that form a crucial part of my own personal canon.
These films aren't exactly "so bad they're good," though some of them would fit in that bucket. They're just odd and delightful, and for the most part they're films I never hear anyone talking about. Also, some of these films definitely contain harmful tropes and story elements here and there.
DISCLAIMER: I'm writing this newsletter on an airplane without wifi, so I'm not fact-checking anything much. I am relying on my memories of films I saw, in some cases, twenty years ago. Unlike all other internet content, this may contain factual inaccuracies. You should not rely on this article to make any major life decisions.
The Wrong Box. This movie was on TV a lot when I was a kid and everyone in my family was obsessed. It's a ridic farce with a stacked cast, including Michael Caine, Peter Sellers, Peter Cook, Dudley Moore and like ten other legendary comedians. It's set in the nineteenth century, and the basic premise is that there's a "tonteen." Basically, you pool money from a bunch of families on behalf of their sons, and then the last surviving son inherits everything. Two old men are the last survivors, and Cook and Moore will stop at nothing to ensure their elderly relative wins. It culminates in a goofy-ass sequence where a box of money and a casket are racing around and getting mixed up in different carriages.
Randy the Electric Lady. Okay, slight change of pace. This is an X-rated porn movie that was supposedly filmed at the Art Institute in San Francisco, with a script co-written by legendary novelist Terry Southern (who also wrote Doctor Strangelove.) This film actually recycles a joke from Dr. Strangelove: instead of "no fighting in the war room," someone shouts, "How many times do I have to tell you, there's no fucking in the Sex Institute." The actual plot is about a computer that goes haywire and makes people uncontrollably horny (because computers are magic) and then someone discovers the ultimate aphrodisiac. Warning: as usual with 'ultimate aphrodisiac' stories, there's some highly questionable consent.
The Apple. Okay, fine, this one has broken containment and achieved decent "cult" status, but I had to include it because it's such a personal touchstone. In a disco-saturated silver-lame future, the satanic Mr. Boogalow controls the music industry and everyone has to have a special glittery mark on their foreheads. One wholesome easy-listening-singing duo from Moosejaw, Canada gets corrupted by disco. Incredible dance sequences and weird rock-opera stylings. This was directed by Menachem Golan of Golan-Globus Pictures, aka Cannongate, which put out countless schlock masterpieces in the 1980s.
Roller Blade. I don't know why this movie isn't famous. It's directed by the same guy as Hell Comes to Frogtown, and it's an utter masterpiece of weirdness. In a post-apoclyptic world, everyone gets around on roller skates (not rollerblades -- the "blade" in the title is because everyone carries switchblades.) A group of roller-skating nuns keep the peace, and their magic switchblades can heal any wound as long as you get the wounded person into a special hot tub. People say lines like "Thou Must Skatest or Diest." The nuns fight against an evil sock puppet (literally) who leads an army of mutants in the wasteland. There are like five sequels but I haven't seen those.
Society. Another one that I do hear people referencing occasionally -- so maybe you've heard of it, I don't know. Society is a weird satire from body-horror auteur Brian Yuzna, in which wealthy people in Beverly Hills are secretly aliens who feed on poor people. The main character is a guy who was adopted by a rich family, and is starting to suspect the truth about his adoptive parents. The movie culminates in a bonkers sequence where all the rich people dissolve their bodies into a nightmarish mass called the "shunt" and one rich old guy talks out of another rich guy's butthole. It's really the story of America.
Nine Deaths of the Ninja. Okay where do I start? Sho Kosugi is the titular ninja, who does not die nine times as far as I can remember. The villain is a gay Muslim terrorist who looks somewhat like Sign O' The Times-era Prince and is doing a terrible Doctor Strangelove impression with a monkey scurrying around his shoulders. He's aided by an army of evil lesbians led by the vicious Colonel Honey Hump. They kidnap a bus full of visiting dignitaries in the Philippines and it's up to the ninja and his buddies to rescue the hostages. I'm barely scratching the surface here. The opening credits are a cheap knockoff of a Roger Moore-era Bond theme. I first saw this movie on a boat from Russia to Japan and thought I must have dreamed it.
The Reincarnation of Golden Lotus. Now for an actual good movie! Clara Law was a rare female director in 1980s and 1990s Hong Kong, and she directed this gorgeous film about reincarnation gone wrong. Basically, Golden Lotus is betrayed by her lover and dies. When it comes time for her to be reincarnated, she manages to avoid drinking the draught that will erase her memories of her past life. She's reborn a hundred years after her previous death, and grows up during the Cultural Revolution -- but the memories of her previous existence, especially the deceitful lover, keep intruding while she's trying to be a good young Communist. Eventually she makes her way to Hong Kong, where she finds a rich man, but she can't let go of how she died last time. This one is unfortunately hard to find nowadays.
Boys Are Easy. This is another movie that I saw in a theater in Hong Kong -- a delightfully weird romcom. There's a long musical sequence in a bowling alley where Tony Leung and the rest of the cast sing about how much they love bowling. Alas, that musical interlude was cut from most home video releases of this movie, and it's almost impossible to find the full length theatrical cut. I have a friend who bought the laserdisc version from Malaysia and a bootleg DVD from Hong Kong, just to get the full movie. (Sigh.)
Computer Beach Party. Slight change of pace. This is a teen comedy in which a group of kids, using dial-up modems and a basic desktop computer, order a beach party on the internet. From a time before AOL or any of that other stuff, this is a weirdly innocent (but extremely horny) fantasy about how the internet is going to make our lives endlessly fun and joyful. Which, of course, is exactly what happened.
Leprechaun in the Hood. Warwick Davis starred in a series of mostly direct-to-video movies about an evil leprechaun, one of which also starred a young Jennifer Aniston. In this one, the leprechaun loses his magic flute in the hood, and has to go to war with Ice-T. There is a leprechaun-themed rap video that is totally amazing. Also worth hunting down: Leprechaun in Space.
Duets. I feel like this movie was famous when it came out? But now I mention it and get blank stares. Basically, it takes place in a world of competitive karaoke, a thing that has (as far as I know) never actually existed. Every karaoke bar has a competition, and the best singer can win hundreds of dollars and a slot in the national karaoke finals. Huey Lewis (of Huey Lewis and the News) plays a professional karaoke hustler who pretends to be bad at singing to trick people into making side bets on who'll be the best singer. But Huey Lewis has a long lost daughter, played by Gwyneth Paltrow -- whose father, Bruce Paltrow, directed this film. (The father-daughter stuff is intensely squicky.) Meanwhile, Paul Giamatti is a mid-tier executive who has an existential crisis and gets addicted to beta-blockers, then befriends a newly released convict played by Andre Braugher. (At one point, Giamatti finds Braugher's gun and waves it around, shouting "Bam bam bam! John Wayne I am!") Spoilers: Braugher sacrifices his life to save Paul Giamatti, committing suicide by cop while singing the song "Free Bird." I. Am. Just. Scratching. The Surface.
The Atlas Shrugged trilogy. I saw all three of these in the theater and they are outstanding. The first one has actors you've seen before, like Esai Morales, but every character is recast in each successive picture. People deliver nonsense dialogue with a straight face, and the plot is like a right-wing fantasy on quaaludes. At one point, the Democrats stand up and up and say that innovation must be taxed out of existence? If you have a day to kill, put on all three of these, make popcorn, torture your closest friends.
Monster Trucks. I am so grateful to superstar film critic Lisa Laman for keeping the Monster Trucks flame lit. It's a wonderful film that does just what it says on the tin: there are trucks, which are secretly monsters with tentacles and stuff. That's the whole plot. It's better than almost all of the Transformers films. I will never get over the fact that this movie was a flop.
This is barely the tip of the filmberg — I may do another one of these lists in the future!
Music I Love Right Now
Slapbak are a SoCal-based funk group whose 1992 debut featured guest appearances from George Clinton, Bootsy Collins and Larry Blackmon. So as you'd expect, their sound is very P-Funk-influenced. They’ve put out the occasional album over the past thirty years, mostly on indie labels, and I always appreciate their commitment to being on the one. Anyway, they put out a new album recently called Funk Lives Matter, and I especially love this song and video:
I’ve listened to Funk Lives Matter, and it’s a pretty good intro to Slapbak’s sound. Some of the songs seem to have previously appeared on other albums, but this isn’t a greatest hits exactly. A lot of this music could easily be mistaken for a lost P-Funk track, with energetic drumming, heavy basslines and chicken-grease guitar work. The whole album is intensely danceable and nearly every song has a few moments where the chord progressions or guitar hooks get next-level. It’s only $7 on iTunes and other sites, so it’s worth checking out.