Hello Courageous Pals,

We’ve all had times where we genuinely wanted to commit to making a change but we found ourselves held back or avoiding it in some way. Often this leads to us feeling like we’re being lazy or incapable with all the associated shame that goes with those things - but the truth is, resistance to change is usual because of an inner conflict with our values or with a belief that in some way doesn’t ring true with the change we want to make. The good news is, it’s possible to overcome that resistance with time and practice.

Science behind the slice
If you’ve ever found yourself recognising exactly when you went off track, self-sabotaged, or derailed yourself from achieving something you really, truly wanted to achieve or making a change you wanted to make, you’ll be familiar with resistance to change - or immunity to change, as researchers Lisa Lehey and Robert Kegan call it. Lehey and Kegan identified that people often have “competing commitments”: values or beliefs that, though we may not admit to them outwardly (or even to ourselves), are so important to us they are guiding our behaviour. These values or beliefs usually come from a self-protective place - in that way, they can be a little like gremlins, which we discussed last month, or the inner critic, which we discussed in March. These beliefs are very powerful and they SEEM like the truth to us, because we’ve been operating as though they were true for so long. They might be things like “If I mess up, people won’t trust me anymore” or “If I get THIS wrong, how can I get ANYTHING right?”

These competing commitments are often very strong, deeply ingrained, and they ‘work’ because usually when we behave as though they are true, they have protected us in the past - but they might also be ‘protecting’ us right out of the big opportunities we want. And for that, we need to re-learn how to take risks. We need to behave as though the competing commitments and underlying assumptions aren’t true, so we can test them.

The process is actually very simple, and we practiced it yesterday: identify the change you want. Notice the ways you’re getting stuck when you try to make that change happen. Identify the competing commitment which is motivating your actual behaviour, not the behaviour that you want to be doing. Give voice to the assumption which is driving that competing commitment. Once you’ve identified all these things, notice when these underlying assumptions are coming up for you - and figure out some ways to test those assumptions.

Just because the process is simple doesn’t mean it will be easy! Listen to researcher Lisa Lehey talk through the importance of not rushing to a solution, but just sitting with and noticing your assumptions, in a podcast about immunity to change with Brené Brown. The great thing, though, is that even issues that seem intractable - all of us, even experts in the field like Brené Brown who work on change all the time have things which seem impossible to change for them even when they are geniuses at recognising how to help change in other people - ARE possible to change, with time, care, practice, and self-compassion. You don’t have to stick with patterns you’ve outgrown, even if they served you very well in the past: change is open to everyone.

Coming up
In January, Solas Yoga and I will be hosting an in-person yoga and group reflection 90-minute workshop here in Edinburgh at OMH Therapies. Kick off 2026 with guided visualisations, journaling, and gentle movement to get you moving in the right direction for the year ahead. Find out more! Early bird discount if you book before 26 December.

December’s Courage Pie will be about navigating the learning cycle - a useful reflection as we move from the old year into the new. Join me from your sofa-bound cheese-coma on the last Tuesday of the year, 30 December, for the very last online edition of Courage Pie! Sign up here.

In the new year I’ll be moving to a new lunchtime walking format of Courage Pie (Courage Pie on Legs? Courage Pie to Go? Courage Pie Goes Forth? Still workshopping a title…) in the Meadows here in Edinburgh. If you’re farther afield, I’ll be providing monthly coaching prompts in the newsletter that you can use for self-guided coaching walks, so please do follow along - it helps if you can find a buddy to walk with you for discussion and reflection, too (and why not encourage them to sign up for this newsletter?) If there’s a theme or topic you’d like covered, just reply to this email and I’ll put it on the list for 2026.

Wishing you all a very joyous holiday season - and hoping to see some of you on the 30th!

Very best,

Caitlin