Hello Courageous Pals,

For this month’s edition of Courage Pie, we took a look at helping hands! 👐

It can be really difficult to ask for or accept help. Sometimes it can feel like we’re giving up a little piece of our autonomy if we do that. But the truth is, none of us are in this alone, and if we can never accept help from others we’re missing out on a wealth of resources and opportunities we would otherwise not have access to. Specifically, having a wide circle of acquaintances, friends we enjoy but who aren’t our closest ride-or-die confidantes, can be very helpful for hearing about new opportunities or resources (a job posting; an event we might want to go to.) Doing an activity in a group or with a buddy helps us commit to what we said we were going to do - this is why having a gym buddy or going to a book club works so well! This also helps with acknowledging and celebrating our successes - another challenge people often struggle with, and perhaps a topic for a future Courage Pie. And perhaps most importantly, being part of a group can help us figure out who we might like to be, when we see how others in our group are. 

To figure out where we might look for help, we spent some time doing a personal network map of who could be our helpers: who do we know (or what institutions might we approach) who could help us with a goal, task, or fear we have? I’ve used initials to protect people’s privacy; you might want to use real names to help you remember who you’re talking about! In my diagram below light blue stands for my coaching networks, purple is for volunteering, the pink cluster near me is my friends and family, dark blue are my employed work, orange are my alumni networks, and yellow is local businesses. Here’s one I prepared earlier…

When I was getting ready for this edition of Courage Pie, I was reminded of a previous blog I wrote, Who are your allies? My old coaching blog posts are still up but hidden, so please consider this an extra-special pie slice for you all this month! I might pull out a few other pies of wisdom from the archives in future editions.

Science behind the slice

It’s over 50 years since sociologist Mark Granovetter published his work ‘The Strength of Weak Ties’ all about the power of casual connections. Your closest friends are fantastic for helping you figure out who you are, being your champions, being there for you in times of need - but your casual connections will give you access to information you don’t already have. The power of pals for holding up a mirror to you, acting as a reference for who you want to become both through modelling good behaviour and skills and as a group whose approval you crave, is covered in this rather dry academic article by Theodore Kemper: ‘Reference Groups, Socialization and Achievement.’ For a heartwarming story about the power of using a peer group to achieve the seemingly impossible, read this case study on Pieter Ernst’s work setting up care groups to combat preventable diseases in pregnant mothers in 1995, when Mozambique was recovering from a civil war in which the healthcare had collapsed. I found it especially moving to learn that care groups have also been proven effective in improving vaccination coverage and combating malnutrition around the world. At a time when misinformation and untrustworthiness seems rife, it’s empowering to see a strategy for public good working so well, consistently and quietly saving people’s lives for the past 30 years. 🥲

Hello, is this thing on?

I really love running Courage Pie every month but as we’ve been reaching those lovely long evenings of summer we’ve been having some ever-cosier circles around the Courage Pie table. So, let me know - what time would work best for you each month? I’d love to boost attendance in the coming months.

That’s all from me for now, pals! Please join me next month on Tuesday 29 July (unless the poll shows a massive swing towards a different day) when we’ll be walking through the high cost of discounting - ignoring inconvenient truths (and how to start facing these with intention & resourcefulness.) Also a reminder that I offer one-on-one coaching if you want to explore any of these topics in more detail - have a look at my coaching page for current packages and offers.

Very best,

Caitlin