Bad Meds - R.A. Young - Jan. 23, 2024
Bad Medicine
Historically doctor-averse due to insurance fears, in mid-2023 I cut a tendon in my finger with a spatula and started what's now become the most intimate exploration of the United States healthcare system of my life (so far). It hasn't been fun. But, it has led to me seeking care for many issues I'd previously ignored or accepted would be with me for the rest of my life.
One such issue is what doctors have previously described to me as "Internal Tremors." This feels like shaking or shivering inside of me, but can't be seen or felt otherwise. It's historically been caused by stress, but also certain foods including hot sauce and dairy. A neurologist has cleared me of nervous system issues -- brain work good. Gastro is the next step, but I put it off until this year to ensure I still had insurance coverage. I've lived with it for years. I'll probably live with it for more.
In the process of trying to address my tremors, I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. The hope was that anxiety medication might alleviate my tremors. No such luck, but it has helped tremendously with day-to-day life regardless. With my anxiety lightened, I decided to push further and be evaluated by a psychologist for another issue I'd dealt with all my life -- issues with focus, concentration, organization, and memory.
Unfortunately, the situation has been, to put it succinctly, complete bullshit. My initial evaluation lasted 20 minutes and they saw "General Anxiety Disorder" on my sheet and passed over any other possibilities. I've spent the last two months trying different anti-depressants. The first drug I tried had me sleeping 3 hours a night and experiencing visceral nightmares, as well as auditory and visual hallucinations. Screams, ghosts, and shit. I stopped taking it that first week. The second drug, which I'm on now, has made me a dull, slow-moving, morass of negative energy. It hasn't helped with any of the issues I was seeking help for.
During my next appointment, I'll be asking directly to be reevaluated for inattentive ADHD. That'll happen next week. I've never considered having ADHD before, but a friend brought up the possibility during a recent conversation. I just want to write, y'all. Here's hoping we start February in a better spot than January. This is all a process. I respect that. But it's been a challenging 2024, already.
Pro Wrestling
As a kid, I didn't watch much wrestling. What I did watch, that I can recall, happened in the early or mid-90s. I recall the debut of The Undertaker. I adored Mankind both for the brutality of his matches and how much he seemed to love them. I hated HHH and how he always seemed to win when I most wanted him to lose. Oddly, I don't remember if I believed it was real or not. I would have been pre-teen at the time. Regardless, wrestling was always a thing I thought was cool, but it wasn't until 2018 that I truly became a fan.
In 2019, encouraged by my friend Eric, I started watching the debut of All Elite Wrestling. It was said to mix the mature brutality of peak 90s-era wrestling and the creativity of modern indie and Japanese wrestling. It delivered beyond my expectations. I was obsessed. Between 2019 and 2021, I watched everything AEW could offer. I watched highlights of NJPW from the 80s until now. I was a massive fan of indie promotion GCW.
Toward the end of 2021 and into 2022, my pro wrestling fandom faltered. Changes were happening both in AEW and NJPW, controversies blew up, money does what money does, and it resulted in my watching much less than I used to. In my head, I believe that match quality just isn't what it used to be. It doesn't really matter why, but as 2024 starts I'm watching the least amount of wrestling I have in four, four-and-a-half years.
What has me pondering about my fandom is that a lot of friends, a lot of fans, are saying that AEW's quality is way up again. They'd say that if you were looking for a return of classic AEW, now's the time to watch. While I can see some of what these fans are celebrating, I'm not feeling the same energy. I don't disagree that improvements are being made, but the magic still isn't there.
But that's had me thinking over the past several weeks -- is it that pro wrestling isn't as good as it used to be, or is my fandom simply diminishing? I think all pro wrestling fans from the 90s who let their fandom go watched the WWE fans of the 00s and 10s continue to argue wrestling was still good. I don't want to be one of those guys. But I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on pro wrestling again, either.
Lightning Round
Here are a few other things I've been up to this past week:
I'm nearly finished with Ben Abercrombie's The Heroes, part of his First Law series. It's easily my favorite book of his that I've read yet. It's smart, punchy, and aggressively-paced. One of the best examples of a fantasy war book I've ever read.
On Saturday my movie group watched The Marvels. I very much wanted this to be a great movie. I enjoyed the first quite a bit. It wasn't what I was hoping for, unfortunately. The script and action were too silly and stupid. Not quite as bad as The Eternals, but so much more deserving of a more respectful and clever film.
A close friend got out of the hospital today. He's still in misery, dealing with so much stress on top of being ill, but it's still so relieving that he's out of the fuckin' hospital and back at home.
Thanks, everyone. Have a great week.
-Rory