we're still here
January 25
1. Mouthwashing
I watched a playthrough of Mouthwashing because I wanted to be able to watch this video on disability in Mouthwashing and I just need to say, I'm glad I didn't fall into that trap where watching video games isn't good enough you have to actually play the game because there simply is no way I would've made the right choices to even get past the first five minutes of this.
The spoiler-free description of Mouthwashing is some crew members and their captain have to survive their spaceship crashing (brought on by their pilot) as they make a delivery.
image description: screenshot of a low poly asian character wearing a hawaiian shirt with chin length black and red hair. at the bottom of the screen in pink letters reads Daisuke with the text I just don't wanna fuck up again, like I did before.
Source:(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-_j3nRUTL0)
I don't have anything insightful to say about the game. I enjoyed the playthrough (and need to go back and watch more to see different things I may have missed) and I really really enjoyed the video about disability within the game. The screenshot above is what I've been thinking about a lot and I'm still chewing over how I can stop fucking up. Haven't come up with an answer yet.
2. Today In Gay
Earlier this week, because Miss Sharai posted it on a socials, I listened to Post Inauguration Feelings Debrief episode of *Today In Gay*.
I really like this part Jasmine Savoy Brown says:
"We are not going anywhere. That is good gay news."
I really checked out this podcast because I love what Nay Bever said in The Substance episode of Girl, That's Scary (which I talked about earlier) and wanted to hear more of what she has to say. It definitely helps that I love Jasmine Savoy Brown, Vico Ortiz, and Bex Taylor-Klaus as well.
This episode was a conversation between Bever and Savoy Brown, and sometimes, it's just really important as a black queer person to hear two black queer people talk about the bullshit the world is forcing upon us. Because even though we can't be in the same room together, the podcast brings us into some kind of togetherness, and community is what we need most in times like these (and nearly always if we're being honest).
You can read their interview with [them.us](http://them.us) here. You can also share your own good gay news at +1-551-333-5247 (remember that if you choose to do this, you are giving them permission to use your call on the podcast!).
3. Queer Man Peering Into A Rock In A Pool.jpg
Queer Man Peering Into A Rock In A Pool.jpg is a 3d game where you play a queer man cleaning up the beach and uncovering what happened to him and the world.
I FINALLY have played this game and I need you to know I am so thankful this exists. I played it earlier this week and I just want to keep living in this world for a little while. It's weird and bright and slightly terrifying and mostly saddening but hopeful throughout and I really really love it. I was moving through it so fast it didn't occur to me to take screenshots but please play this game if you have the means to!
You can play Queer Man Peering Into A Rock In A Pool.jpg. on itch or on Steam!
4. Indie Game Academy
I feel like playing Queer Man Peering Into A Rock In A Pool.jpg had me mentally prepared to go into this class and work on a 3d type game. I really like Indie Game Academy and (they are why I have Add Gay? up on my site, spending a weekend in Godot) had signed up for their Godot focused class that took place earlier this month. I wasn't able to attend live and spent all of yesterday trying to make a little game. I didn't read the fine print and didn't know this was going to be a 3d focused type game which was a gift because I avoid 3d with SO MUCH OF MY AVAILABLE ENERGY because I saw (1) person try to rig something and knew that was not for me.
Anyways, I made two levels while following along with Dylan Cargle (who provided the script and cheese grabs) and I made the second level unnecessarily hard because I was excited about learning how to put a bunch of shapes into other shapes to make obstacles. I cannot play the game myself but I am proud.
image description: video recording of a 3d animated sphere moving through a floating universe with a blue ground and a light pink sky trying to get spinning cheese blocks across two levels as it rolls towards a flag. the first flag takes the sphere to level two, the player fails the first time playing level two and then on the second level the flag is spinning erratically and the player misses hitting it, leading it to fly off the map and into the ether.
5. South of Midnight
TRULY CANNOT WAIT FOR SOUTH OF MIDNIGHT TO BECOME MY PERSONALITY.
This combines SO many of my obsessions, black stories through the view of the American South, stop motion, southern music, and CAN I SAY STOP MOTION AGAIN BECAUSE THERE'S A BLACK GIRL IN STOP MOTION I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT SINCE WENDELL & WILD HOLY SHIT.
I actually do not have enough words to explain how much this game already means to me and come April, I have no idea how I'm getting it, but I WILL BE PLAYING I'M SO EXCITED.
6. Yellowjackets
I just want to document how excited I am for this and pin this as a reminder to watch both seasons back to back within the next week. Which will probably make me stranger than usual so watch out. If you haven't seen the show, watch out for blood, gore, violence, and just generally disturbing events committed by and enacted upon humans.
7. Stop Project 2025 Comics
Like many people, I have avoided Project 2025 with all of my might because I knew it would wrench out any hope I had left in me. I came across these comics which are very helpful because Project 2025 is unnecessarily verbose in an effort to keep us all from knowing what's coming and to work against the actions they'll be taking to hurt and destroy us. This makes the information accessible by breaking it up into the categories Project 2025 focuses on (abortion, anti-trans discrimination, authoritarianism, children, christianity, climate, cronyism, education, environmental protection agency, executive orders, extreme weather, health care, immigration, internet freedom, libraries, militarism, police abuse, school lunch, taxation, teachers, voting matters, and war on the working class) and providing a two page comic for each section. I wouldn't read it all at once, but it's helpful because you can better identify the organizations working against these actions and take action yourself.
8. Solace State: Emotional Cyberpunk Stories
I had started playing this game last year and came back to make a little progress today. It's not a game you can zoom through and I love the intentionality of it. I'd been excited about it since it was announced at Game Devs of Color 2022 off of the art and visual direction alone. It's still so fucking cool!
image screenshot: a medium skin asian woman with dark hair and blonde highlights wearing a coat and turtleneck speaks to a young asian man with lighter skin and long black hair wearing a long open shirt and ripped jeans. the young man says in text, "Oh, the world has made it plenty clear that I don't matter."
From Tanya Kan, director of Soalce State,
"I made Solace State to explore the hearts and decisions of activists in an intimate way, and to ask the heady questions of what it means to fight for humanity with everything you’ve got. Especially when the tools at your disposal aren’t guns and martial ability."
image description: a medium skin asian woman, chloe, with dark hair and blonde highlights wearing a coat and turtleneck speaks to an older man, sonam, with light skin wearing a red and white jacket and black pants supporting himself with a cane in his left hand. sonam says "Exactly. "It could be worse" is not a replacement for "it could be better." We want people to know better is possible."
I wanted to end on this one because the game is giving me a lot of hope, a lot of direction, and just comfort in knowing that we've been here before. I can't find the quote because the library book has to make it back around to me but there's a part in Johanna Kedva's How To Tell When We Will Die: On Panic, Disability, and Doom where they explain that we are already defeated (in a way) in our fight for freedom. The institutions and systems we are fighting have more power, more resources, more expendable energy than those who are fighting against them. I think, to some, that can be demoralizing but for me it gives me permission to keep fighting because I'm not worried if I'm doing it right. When you believe there's only one way to fight back, people can get stuck in knowing that they cannot show up in only one way. Hedva's acknowledgement feels like permission for me to do this shit dirty and hard and however my disabled body can. I hope it gives you a permission to show up however and whenever you can too.
image description: a medium skin asian woman, chloe, with dark hair and blonde highlights wearing a coat and turtleneck speaks to a slightly older black woman, sueli, wearing a light green jacket and green pants with her thick hair pulled back by a green headband with her arms crossed. chloe says in text, "They're relentless because they're trying to tire us out. They're counting on our exhaustion. If we get so emotionally drained that we can't continue, then they gain ground."
There is a knowledge that we cannot change things by ourselves, but we cannot change things unless we all show up to do so. It's a messy and never-ending journey, and I like how this game respects and reflects that. It might help if you're feeling defeated or demoralized especially due to recent changes in United States government.
image screenshot: a medium skin asian woman, chloe, with dark hair and blonde highlights wearing a coat and turtleneck speaks to a young asian man with lighter skin and long black hair wearing a long open shirt and ripped jeans. chloe says in text, "Sometimes the problem is bigger than us and we need help. Sometimes it takes an entire community coming together to say they've had enough."
You can play the demo on itch and buy it here.
Destroy the systems that seek to destroy you! We're all we got!
A parting video:
Chris Mason is one of my favorite Youtubers and I'm hoping I can stream his first visual novel, Bingban's Prison Palace available on [itch.io](http://itch.io) soon!