in an effort to take myself less seriously
one of the reasons i’ve never been able to stick to a newsletter is because nothing has ever felt important enough to talk about that i turn on my computer, open up a Google doc, create a post that, ultimately, i will keep in my drafts because i wrote like someone was watching and that’s when some of my less than truthful writing comes out. i don’t tell myself the truth in many areas of my life and i want to keep my writing a place as far away from those areas as possible. hence, i’ll be writing from my phone for a while (i don’t want to say from now on because who knows what on has in store for me/us?) and see what comes of it.
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i’m a very this or that, either or type person (who isn't?) but it’s starting to really shrink my life in ways that i can’t un-suffocate from, you know? like i’d only write from my phone if it’s jokes and only my computer if it’s Serious and like what an unnecessary way to stress myself out when methods that once comforted me now stifle me.
I was reading The Animator’s Survival Kit (cause i’m stuck in my stop motion class) and this:
reminded me that if my view is so narrow that even turning slightly to the left keeps me in a dark i struggle to return from, then i need to re-evaluate what i’m using (or neglecting) to create my own life.
this goes back to the newsletter in that, whenever i’ve started one, i said all my work all my effort has to go into this One Thing and it has to talk about only this One Thing and that’s just not sustainable for me. my interests ebb and flow and dance and run and walk and nap and leisurely take a bite from a sandwich while i scream at them to meet me in the garden, and i have to work, or rather, play with them instead of trying to cut them into pieces of themselves just so they can fit capitalistic standards, you know?
i’m not coming here with the intent to make money because if i do, i will ruin myself. enough of the past has proven that to me.
what i am here to do, is talk shit (both good and bad and in between and outside of that binary, cause we tryin to embrace nuance here) because that’s how i find my people and i want to strengthen my communities, i want to get better at trust and being able to stay for the long run and not just for the quick and easy parts. i’m gonna be here to learn, listen, and also take space to just be quiet. i don't know what that looks like and that scared the shit outta me tbh. but, imma do this and im just hoping i become better while and after it.
xoxo gossip boi