i can make every week a new year if i want to
[elmo shrugging]
like whose gonna stop me? i decided im going to have my new year start december 1st so i can do my new year's resolutions and slide into ol' 2022 not in anxiety that i cant keep the promises ive made but in acceptance that i do the best i can and that looks different every day, sometimes every hour. also, my birthday is this month and what better gift to give myself than the setup of hope and the attempt of follow through?
2021 except December
my successes/failures from this past year that im building off of, sorting through with fear with determination with the knowledge that if i dont now, experience has taught me that, in an effort to make me pay attention, it will come back stronger include:
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deleting my facebook / its good because it allows me to try to write in hopefully better places (like here) and to stop thinking in the form of statuses / its hard because a lot of support did come from the people i care about in that place and that, along with deleting and remaking a twitter has me understanding how much i depended on visibility as community. im not sure about that thought yet but thats as close as i can get.
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starting we need that knife b / which has stressed me out beyond belief and though i think i know what i need to do to get it done it scares me and so i keep putting it off here's a trailer
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taking classes and going to conferences ive enjoyed! sketch comedy writing, teatro lambe lambe, language of materials and objects, storyboarding for puppetry, drawing for animators and illustrators, game devs of color, and national puppetry conference! // if youre able to donate please do! every one of these places (except game devs of color because they are already affordable) allowed me to attend through scholarship and i wouldnt have been able to experience these gifts any other way
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taking classes ive not enjoyed! i hate college! im onLY ONE SEMESTER IN :D i made a twine about it like two weeks into school because they will not use my name, pronouns, and i am having an appointment for accommodations now (THE SEMESTER IS OVER???) even though ive been fighting with them for this since august. heres the twine
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ive performed two puppet shows! ive been a reader for plays! i taught kids poetry! wow!
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starting to update my website! it looks like a seventh grader made it and im very proud of that (https://www.youhavethewritetoremember.net/) and remember that i have a ko-fi so i should use it more
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family shit / theres not much more to say around that except: yikes. theres been good but overall, yikes
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an apprenticeship! so i got a job hopefully (pray y'all) for the next two years and honey let me tell you the difference between customer service and corporate is astounding and heartbreaking and maddening
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after fighting it for nearly a decade ya boi has signed up for trauma therapy so if you see rivers of tears nearby just go head and hop skip jump on over em
December 2021 - December 2022
my goals/resolutions are:
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actually going to the trauma therapist like more than once
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work through this fear that since people believe things are "going back to normal" that means all these opportunities ive been able to experience will disappear. i dont translate well in person because im not true. with the past year, though the circumstances creating it have been terrible to say the least, accessibility has been more.....accessible, if not finally existent. as an autistic black person who uses their customer service voice to survive whatever the fuck is outside my bedroom door, this past year and change ive been able to give myself permission to find out who the fuck i want to be and who has been hiding under years of internalized homophobia/transphobia/ableism (not to mention regular ol racism) this whole time. and i like this bxtch! i want to keep liking me! i keep looking at all the places i want to go, the things i want to do and im like! make shit accessible so we can stay connected!! you do you of course but remember that not everyone can show up like that!! because if there is one thing ive learned its that even if you have stuff in person, someone working there can surely prop up a phone and turn on livestream. at this point, theres really no excuse
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keep a schedule of people to keep in contact with so im not overcome with that anxiety of we havent talked in eight months is it still okay to talk to them?
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keep fighting for my name/pronouns/accommodations even though im tired yall
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go to classes and things i care about to balance out this school business
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decorate my room with big ass quotes lookin like jenny hozier truisms
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i got a storage bin for one of my sets of books/family albums that i rarely look at and theres so much fucking space in my room so now i gotta do a deep clean of everything which just means getting another storage bin to put in my closet and a bookshelf im so fucking excited for the bookshelf
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update and regularly read this folder i have saved called i am loved
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read at least 100 books between this december and next (ive already started!) // this includes finishing black.southern.queer.women. and the bone shard daughter which are two books that i am lOVING but seem to have trouble finishing most likely because i have trouble with endings and i dont want them to end
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read some damn nonfiction but like a book not the articles cause those make me mad too much
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be more accountable / forgive myself more often
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PET MORE DOGS
what are you looking forward to? what have you been mourning? what have you been excited about? are they the same or sitting next to each other? what will you do with your attempts?
p.s. if youre able donate to trans santa so kids can have a great holiday! you can donate throughout the year too! p.p.s. sorry i sent this like...late (for me at least) i took a nap because i got a new assignment at work and the final i thought was dec 18 was today (:upside down smiley face:) so of course i thought, this is a good time to make a newsletter! okay good night have a great day tomorrow
